Chapter 5 - The Bunny She Put Back in My Hands
I couldn't stop breathing wrong. After I said it, the air got too thin and my chest kept hitching on every inhale. I heard myself the way you hear yourself in a school bathroom, too loud off the tile. Daddy hadn't moved. His hand was still near his side and his eyes were still on me. I wanted to take the words back and I also wanted him to answer them.
My sisters didn't move either. The one in pink had her shoulder pressed so hard against mine I could feel her shaking through my dress. The one in lavender kept looking at the floor like if she stared at the rug long enough the morning would reset.
I started to cry for real then. Not the big sob from before. Just tears running down and my lip shaking and that wet gasp I couldn't control. I hated that sound. Mom used to put her palm flat on my back when I did that and count with me. One, two. Breathe with me, Luce.
Daddy took a step back. His shoe scraped on the tile. "Lucia," he said again, sharper this time. "Stop that. You're okay."
That only made it worse. My throat closed and my shoulders jumped. I dropped my eyes because I didn't want him to see. That's when I saw the bunny.
It was still on the rug where I'd left it that morning, knocked on its side by all the moving around. Its ear was bent under. One button eye stared up at the lights. I wanted to pick it up but my hands felt too shaky and my legs wouldn't bend right.
The maid moved first.
She was still on her knees near the island. She hadn't stood up when Daddy told her to pack. Her hands had dropped from her mouth to her lap, and her apron was twisted where she'd been gripping it. She looked at Daddy, then at me, and something in her face changed. Not brave. Just decided.
Slowly, so slowly Daddy could have stopped her, she reached out across the rug and picked up the bunny. She shook off nothing, smoothed the ear straight with her thumb. Two small moves. Careful.
"Lucia," she said.
It wasn't loud. It was low and even, the way you say a name when you actually know who it belongs to. Not like a stranger reading it off a school list. She held the bunny out toward me, not pushing it at me, just holding it in the space between us so I could take it if I wanted.
"Here, honey," she said. "Here's your bunny."
I stared at her hand. Her fingers were red at the knuckles from cleaning water. The bunny looked so small in her palm. I wiped my nose on the back of my wrist and stepped forward half a step. My sister in pink grabbed the back of my dress and held on, but she let me go just far enough.
I took it. The fur was warm from the floor and flattened where I'd been holding it earlier. I pressed it hard against my stomach with both hands. The shaking didn't stop right away, but my breathing hitched once and then settled into something closer to normal. In. Out. The bunny's ear tickled my chin.
"Thank you," I whispered. I didn't mean to say it out loud.
The maid nodded. She didn't smile. Her eyes were wet too, but she wasn't crying the way I was. She just breathed and kept her hand open in her lap after I took the bunny, like she wanted me to know she wasn't going to grab me.
Daddy watched the whole thing. I felt him watching. His jaw was tight. The hand near his waist had curled into a fist and then opened again.
"Enough," he said. His voice was still hard, but it wasn't as loud as before. He glanced toward the tall windows, then back at us grouped there on the rug. "You're upsetting them."
The maid didn't look up at him right away. She looked at me. "She needed her toy," she said quietly. "That's all."
"Don't tell me what she needs in my house."
"I know." She folded her hands. "Sorry."
For a second I thought he was going to say it again. Pack your things. The words were right there in his shoulders. He shifted his weight and tugged his jacket down over his side with his tattooed hand, covering what I'd seen. He looked at my sisters, at the tears still on my face, at the bunny crushed to my chest.
If he yelled now, I would start crying again. He knew that. I could tell he knew that because he exhaled through his nose and looked away toward the piano, like he was counting too.
He jerked his chin toward the island. "Sit them down," he said. "They haven't eaten."
The maid blinked. "Sir?"
"You heard me." He didn't look at her. "Get them something. Toast. Fruit. Whatever's already out. Then we’ll deal with this."
My sister in lavender let out a breath I hadn't realized she was holding. The one in pink loosened her grip on my dress just a little.
The maid pushed herself up off her knees. Her legs shook when she stood. She smoothed her apron down over her black dress and tucked a loose strand of blonde hair back behind her ear with a quick, practiced move.
May you like
"Okay," she said. "Come on up, girls. Let's sit at the island."
She didn't touch us. She just nodded toward the stools by the white marble counter where the vase and the fruit bowl were. I held my bunny tighter and took a step toward her voice, because her voice was the only normal thing left in that kitchen.
