Chapter 13 - The Box on the Dresser
The apartment was quiet in a way I hadn't heard in months. No string quartet under the voices, no ice in glasses. Just the refrigerator humming and the morning light coming flat through the blinds.
I stood at the dresser in my T-shirt and sweatpants. My belly pushed against the cotton. My left hand felt too used to its own weight.
That morning I took the ring off on purpose, not because my fingers were swollen. I twisted it once, then again, and pulled. There was a pale band where it had been. The skin looked softer there, untouched by sun. I stared at it longer than I meant to.
I opened the top drawer and found the little navy box I kept hair ties in. I dumped the hair ties on the dresser, set the box straight, and laid the diamond inside. It clicked faintly against the velvet. I didn't cry. I just breathed and closed the lid.
For a minute I stood with my bare hand on my belly. I looked like myself. I felt lighter and also guilty, which told me I was doing exactly what I needed to test.
I made a list on the back of a grocery receipt because I didn't want this day to be symbolic. I wanted it to be ordinary. Milk, prenatal vitamins, gas, library book return. I wrote them in my normal handwriting and stuck the receipt in my pocket.
At the grocery store I pushed the cart with both hands and parked it sideways to reach the milk. A woman my mom's age smiled at my stomach and asked when I was due. I said November, and we talked about how heavy a gallon feels when you're carrying extra already. No one looked at my left hand. Or if they did, they didn't pause.
At the pharmacy counter, I waited while the tech counted out the vitamins. My hand rested on the counter, bare ring finger showing. I kept expecting to explain myself. Nobody asked. I signed the little screen, took the bag, and said thanks. It felt strange to be just a customer. It felt good, too.
I stopped for gas on the way to the library. The wind lifted my hair across my face and I had to hold it back with my wrist while I ran the card. The numbers rolled. A truck pulled in on the other side of the island. For a second the smell of gasoline made my stomach turn, and I put my other hand low on my belly and breathed through my nose until it passed.
The library drop was quick. I didn't go in. I used the outside slot and heard the book thump down. That sound settled something in me. I was handling my own day. I wasn't waiting in a ballroom for someone to come find me.
I told myself I would skip the church lot. It was out of the way, and I knew Wednesday afternoon there might be choir practice. But I'd promised Ruth I would leave the folded bulletins in her car if I got a chance, and her old sedan was always parked by the side door. I turned in before I could talk myself out of it.
Her car was there. I parked two spaces over, grabbed the bulletins from my passenger seat, and slipped them under her wiper like she liked. When I turned back, Mason's SUV was pulling in from the main road.
He wasn't supposed to be there. He saw me before I could decide to get in my car and leave. He slowed, then stopped with his window down.
He got out. He still wore his work shirt with the sleeves rolled. His eyes went to my face first, then to my belly, then to my hand on the door handle.
He went still.
"Where's your ring?" he said.
It wasn't loud. The parking lot was mostly empty, heat coming off the asphalt. A door slammed somewhere by the fellowship hall.
I didn't hide my hand. "In a box," I said. "At the apartment."
He took a step closer, then stopped when I didn't move. "Emily."
"I needed a day without it," I said. "To see how I feel. To do things as myself."
He looked at my bare finger like he wanted to fix it right there. "People will notice."
"Let them," I said. I wasn't trying to be cruel. My voice stayed even. "I'm not filing anything. I'm not trying to embarrass you. I'm just trying to understand what I'm carrying, in more ways than one."
He glanced toward the church doors, then back at me. "You can't just decide that alone."
May you like
"I already did," I said. "For now, it's off. I'll let you know what comes next."
I got in my car and closed the door. He didn't knock on the window. He stood there with his hands at his sides while I backed out, and in the mirror I watched him stay in that spot until I turned onto the county road.
