Chapter 3 - Two Steps Behind Us
I heard him before I saw him. That is what I remember clearest about that minute in the foyer when I was seven.
My face was wet and my breathing was coming too fast through my nose, the way it did when I tried not to sob out loud. The box was crushed a little against my chest. The white bow had slipped to the side and one corner of the beige paper was damp where my tears had gotten on it. I kept trying to hold it tighter without messing it up worse.
Caleb had not moved. He was still right in front of me, his back almost touching my knees. I could see the back of his white shirt, the cotton pulled tight between his shoulders. His arms were down at his sides but his hands were balled up. He was breathing hard too. I could feel it, the way his back rose and fell fast against me.
The woman in green was still leaned down toward him. Her face was close to his. Her mouth was a hard line and her eyes kept flicking from him to me and back. The pearl in her ear caught the chandelier light when she turned her head. I stared at that little flash of white because I did not want to look straight at her eyes.
Then the sound changed in the marble.
Up until then it had just been us. My sniffles. The soft scuff of Caleb's shoes when he stepped in. The woman's heels when she shifted her weight. Behind that, far off, music and people talking in the ballroom. But now there was a different set of footsteps coming from the doorway behind them, steady on the marble floor, getting closer.
Caleb heard it too. I saw his chin lift just a fraction. He did not turn around. He kept his eyes on her, but his shoulders went up higher, like he was bracing.
The woman heard it. Her posture changed first. She pulled her upper body back maybe two inches and straightened her spine. She did not stand all the way up. She stayed bent toward Caleb, her hand still half-raised from where she had pointed at me. But her head turned slightly toward the sound. Her lips pressed together. I watched her jaw move once, like she was deciding what her face should do.
The footsteps stopped.
He stopped about two paces behind them. I could see him over Caleb's shoulder and past the woman's arm. The man in the dark suit. White shirt. Dark tie. His beard was trimmed close. He was not looking at the hydrangeas or the gold chair or the hallway. He was looking at us.
He did not say anything. He just stood there and took us in. First his eyes went to me, to the tears on my face and the box I was holding. I felt myself curl in. I tucked my chin down and pressed the box harder into my pink dress until the tulle bunched around it. The paper edge dug into my fingers. I did not want him to look at it. It was supposed to be private. It was not supposed to be seen like this, with everyone mad.
Then he looked at Caleb, at the way Caleb was planted between me and the woman. Then he looked at the woman, at how she was still leaned in, at her hand in the air.
Nobody moved for a second. The chandelier buzzed faint above us. The big blue hydrangeas by the chair did not move at all. My nose was running and I sniffed and hated how loud it sounded on the marble.
The woman straightened a little more. She smoothed her shoulders back and lowered her pointing hand to her side, but she did not step away from Caleb. Her knees were still bent. Her body was still angled in toward us. It was like she wanted to look proper for the man in the doorway but she was not willing to give up the ground she had taken.
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Caleb felt her stay there. I know he did because his feet shifted, just a half-step wider. He did not look back at the man. He kept facing her. His head was tipped up. His mouth was pushed out in that pout that meant he was trying not to cry. I could see the tears sitting bright in his eyes. He blinked hard and did not let them fall.
The man took one slow breath. I saw his chest rise under his suit jacket. His hands were at his sides. He did not reach out. He did not pick up the box. He did not put a hand on anyone's shoulder. He just stayed those two paces behind, watching, while the woman held her position and Caleb held his and I held the box until my arms shook.
