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Chapter 9: The Man Who Came to Marry Me

I took a photograph of the appointment entry, then asked Richard to close the folder.

He looked at me across Maya’s desk.

“Claire, the record says he arrived. It doesn’t tell us what they discussed.”

“I know.”

That was the part I could not stop thinking about. Ethan might have gone to apologize. Eleanor might have called him there to confront him. They might have spent the hour arguing about me, or talking about something else entirely.

Whatever happened, he had come home and told me he had never visited her.

Maya offered to call him with me there. I shook my head. I wanted to see his face when I asked.

“Then decide beforehand what you’re willing to tell him,” she said.

We went through it together. I could ask about his name, the appointment, and the memorandum. I would not tell him what Nina had kept or where Lena’s photographs were. Maya had copies of the records we had gathered, and I left the appointment folder with Richard.

At the door, she stopped me.

“You don’t have to get an answer to every question tonight.”

“I don’t think he’ll give me one.”

“Then don’t stay just because you’re waiting for it.”

On the train to Connecticut, I watched the dark windows give back my reflection. I had spent five years searching Ethan’s face for signs of his mood before I spoke. I knew how he looked when work had gone badly, when Margaret had criticized him, when he wanted me to stop asking a question.

I had never thought to ask how he looked when he lied.

His car was in the driveway when I got home. Inside, he was at the kitchen counter with a plate of reheated dinner. He stood when he saw me.

“I didn’t know whether you were coming back tonight.”

“I need to ask you something.”

He put down his fork. His eyes went to my empty hands, then past me toward the front door.

“Did Richard send you?”

“No.”

I sat at the table. I did not want to have this conversation standing where I had cleared dishes after Margaret’s birthday dinner.

“Did you visit Eleanor the week before she died?”

Ethan stayed by the counter.

“Why?”

“There’s an appointment record. Your name, your arrival time, your departure time. Nearly an hour.”

He looked down at his plate.

“You told me you’d never been to see her,” I said.

“I should have told you.”

“That isn’t what I asked.”

“Yes. I went.”

I had expected the denial I knew how to argue with. The answer made my throat tighten.

“What did she want?”

“She asked me to come.”

“Why?”

“She had questions about my work. About some old financing arrangement involving your father’s company.”

I thought of Eleanor’s letters, asking who held the collection account and who had approved the revised instructions. I kept them to myself.

“What did you tell her?”

“That I couldn’t speak for everyone at Halden Bridge. She didn’t believe me.”

“Did you speak for yourself?”

He pulled out the chair across from me but did not sit.

“Claire, she was ill. She had documents spread across the room. She thought I’d come there years ago for some reason other than you.”

“Had you?”

He rested one hand on the chair back. For a moment, I could hear only the low hum of the refrigerator.

“Where did you hear the name Mercer?” he asked.

I felt a small, sick recognition. I had not said it.

“Ethan Mercer was your name before you changed it.”

“Yes.”

“When?”

“Before we met.”

“Why?”

“I wanted distance from my family. From things my mother was involved in.”

“Margaret was still at our wedding. She’s still in our kitchen every other week.”

“I didn’t say I succeeded.”

There was a time when that tired, rueful look would have drawn me toward him. Tonight I waited.

“There’s a photograph,” I said. “You, Margaret, and Graham Voss outside Eleanor’s old office. It was taken seven years before you supposedly met me.”

His hand left the chair.

For the first time since I had come in, he sat down.

“Voss arranged the introduction,” he said.

The kitchen seemed to go very still.

“The night at the museum fundraiser?”

“Yes.”

I remembered a crowded coatroom, rain ticking against the windows, Ethan offering to help me find my missing scarf. I had told the story so many times that I could hear my own affectionate voice reciting it. He had found the scarf folded beneath a chair. He had walked me to my car.

I had thought we were lucky to meet.

“Was the scarf missing by accident?” I asked.

“I didn’t take your scarf.”

“That’s not a comforting answer.”

He rubbed his forehead.

“Voss knew you were going. My mother knew one of the organizers. They made sure I had an invitation.”

“Why?”

“Your grandmother was asking questions about what happened to the company. Voss wanted to know how close she was getting and whether you were asking questions, too.”

“So you were sent to meet me.”

“I agreed to meet you.”

The distinction cost him nothing to make. It had cost me five years.

“What were you supposed to do afterward?”

“Stay close enough to hear if Eleanor contacted you. If anyone brought up the financing, I was supposed to let him know.”

“Did you?”

“Yes.”

The word came without the hesitation I wanted from him. I looked at the seam in the tabletop, where a spill had darkened the wood. It was a table I had chosen. For a while, that small decision had made the house feel more like mine.

“How often?”

“Not the way you’re imagining. At first, it was a call if something came up. Most of the time there was nothing to say.”

“Most of the time?”

“When Eleanor tried to get you to visit without me. When you asked why she disliked Halden Bridge. Things like that.”

I remembered those conversations. I remembered Ethan telling me Eleanor had never forgiven anyone who was younger and successful, then laughing until I laughed, too. I had trusted him with the hurt of being caught between them.

“You knew what she was investigating.”

“I knew Voss was worried about it. I didn’t have the records.”

“Did you know what happened to my father’s company?”

“No. Not then. I still don’t know everything.”

I had no way to tell where his answer stopped being careful and started being true.

“You watched me make excuses for you,” I said. “You watched me pull away from her.”

“I know.”

“And you kept reporting.”

His jaw tightened.

“I stopped giving Voss anything useful.”

“That isn’t what I asked.”

“Yes,” he said. “For a while. Even after I knew how it was affecting you.”

He finally looked at me.

“I loved you by then.”

I wanted to believe there was a point at which those words had become true. I also wanted the years before that point back. Neither wish changed what he had done afterward.

“If you loved me, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I thought you’d leave.”

“Would you have let me?”

He looked wounded. I remembered every time he had offered to handle a bill, a call, a disagreement, until I was ashamed to say I could do it myself.

“You made it easier for me to depend on you,” I said.

“I thought I was helping.”

“You let me believe I couldn’t manage a grocery budget. You said it in front of twenty people.”

He flinched.

“That dinner was cruel. I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t one dinner.”

He had no answer.

I took out the copy of the memorandum and placed it between us. I kept my hand on it.

“Is this your signature?”

He read the title before looking away.

“It looks like it.”

“Project Whitmore. Long-Term Acquisition Strategy.”

“I signed an early version. It was about monitoring contact, not acquiring you.”

I turned to the dated follow-ups. “And these?”

“I didn’t write all of them. Voss kept adding to that file.”

“Did you object?”

“I didn’t know about some of it.”

“Which parts?”

He glanced down again. “I’d need to see the whole file.”

“That can happen through Maya. I’m not giving you our copy.”

“Who’s Maya?”

“My attorney.”

His expression changed. Not anger, exactly. He looked as if a door he had always assumed was open had been shut.

“Are you filing for divorce?”

“I’m going to live somewhere else. I haven’t decided the rest.”

He stood so quickly the chair scraped the floor. I stood, too, and picked up the memorandum.

“Claire, wait. Eleanor asked me if I’d tell you I went to see her. I said I would. I came home, and you asked me to go with you, and I panicked.”

“She was still alive. You had time to tell me.”

“I know.”

I went toward the stairs for the bag I had left in the bedroom. Ethan did not follow. When I came down, he was in the hall, his phone in his hand.

“You need to know something about my mother,” he said.

“I know she’s been asking about my family’s records.”

“It’s not just the records. She knows Eleanor left you an unusually large estate. I didn’t tell her. She called me this afternoon and said she was done waiting to hear from Richard.”

I tightened my grip on the bag.

“What is she going to do?”

May you like

Ethan looked at the front door.

“She’s coming here.”

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