Chapter 3 - When My Knees Gave Out on the Snowy Road
The blanket was warm from her car but my shoulders would not stop shaking under it. She had her hands on my face and her forehead almost touching mine, and snow kept falling between us and melting where it hit her dark coat. My sneakers were full of slush. I could feel my socks stuck to my skin and my jeans stiff from the knees down. My breath came out short and white.
"You look exactly like your mother did at 14." She said it again, quieter this time, like she needed to hear if it sounded true out loud.
I tried to answer her. My teeth were hitting together too hard to get a word out. I wanted to tell her I did not know what she meant. I wanted to ask how she knew my mom. The headlights from her SUV were behind her and they made a bright edge around her blonde hair, and past that everything on the road was blue and empty.
My legs went strange then. Not like I tripped. Like the strength just drained out of them at once. My knees bent and I grabbed for her coat.
She caught me under my arms. The blanket slipped off one shoulder and she pulled it back up fast with one hand while she held me with the other.
"Hey. I've got you," she said. "Can you stand for me? Just for a minute?"
I shook my head. I was embarrassed that I was crying again. My eyes would not stay open right. The cold had moved past shivering into something heavy. My fingers felt thick and far away when I tried to hold the blanket closed.
"Okay," she said. "Okay, we're not staying out here. I'm going to get you in my car. Is that okay?"
I nodded. That was my choice. I remember making it.
She kept one arm tight around my back and ducked to get her shoulder under mine. Together we turned toward the lights. Each step my sneakers slid a little on the packed snow. She was taller than me and she took most of my weight. The SUV was running, the driver's door still open, heat pouring out of it. She got me to the passenger side and opened it with her free hand.
"Watch your head," she said, and helped me up onto the seat.
The heat hit my face so hard it hurt. She leaned in and wrapped the blanket tight around my legs and tucked the fringe under. Then she ran around the front, through the headlights, and got in and turned the heat up all the way. She looked at me once before she pulled onto the road.
"Stay awake for me," she said. "Talk to me if you can. What's your name?"
I tried to say it. My mouth was slow. I think I got the first sound out and then my eyes closed anyway. I felt the car turn. I heard the windshield wipers. Her hand touched my forehead, then my cheek, checking.
The next thing I knew the light changed. It was not blue anymore. It was white and too bright. It buzzed over my head. I smelled cleaner and bleach and warm air. My gray sweater was still damp against my neck. My jeans were still on. Someone had put a thin hospital blanket over the fringed blanket, and my sneakers were off on the floor by the bed.
I was in a hospital bed with the rail half up. A blood pressure cuff squeezed my arm and then let go. My hands were so cold they ached as they started to warm.
She was sitting right beside me in a chair pulled close. Her dark winter coat was still on, wet at the shoulders, the fur on the hood flat from snow. She was holding both my hands in hers to warm them.
Her eyes were red. She stared at my face like she was afraid I would disappear if she blinked.
May you like
"No. It can't be you. You were gone," she whispered.
I did not understand if she meant me or my mom. Before I could ask, my eyes closed again, and her hands held tighter around mine.
