Chapter 6 - I Kept Walking Between the Crib and the Table
I heard them before I could open my eyes.
It wasn't a dream. The voices were too close and the mattress under me was too still. My body felt heavy, like I'd sunk down into it and couldn't pull myself back up. My mouth was dry. Somewhere to my left, Noah made a small sound, not a full cry, just that restless whimper he'd had since the hospital.
I tried to lift my hand and couldn't.
"He's in with her?" That was Marissa. Low, fast. "Daniel, you need to hear this before your mother comes back in."
"I’m not leaving them," Daniel said. His voice was right beside me. I felt the shift of weight on the bed when he moved. "Talk."
I wanted to tell him I was there. I was listening. My eyelids wouldn't move.
Marissa's shoes squeaked on the wood floor. I pictured the hallway outside our bedroom, the runner that led past the built-in shelves toward the dining room. I'd walked it a hundred times that night.
"It started around six," she said. "Clara was in the nursery area with Noah. He wouldn't settle in the bassinet. She'd just fed him and she was pale, Daniel. She was holding onto the crib rail to stand up."
I remembered the rail. Dark wood under my palm. The chandelier light was too bright over the table. My gown stuck to my back.
"Did she ask for help?" Daniel asked.
"She asked your mother if she could sit down for a few minutes," Marissa said. "Miss Evelyn said dinner was getting cold and the plates weren't cleared. She told her the help was for guests, not for family."
I remembered that, too. Evelyn's fork against the plate. The sound it made. She didn't look up when she said it. She cut her chicken and said I hadn't finished serving.
"She was still bleeding," Marissa said, quieter now. "I saw it on the back of her gown when she carried the water pitcher to the table. I told her to let me take it. Miss Evelyn told me to go fold towels and mind my place."
Daniel didn't answer. I heard his breathing change. Noah fussed again and Daniel shushed him, that soft sound he made in his chest.
"I should have—" Marissa stopped. "She sent Clara back and forth. Bring the bread. Check the baby. Bring more gravy. Check the baby. Clara kept going between the table and the crib. She asked for her phone to call the nurse line. Miss Evelyn said she didn't need a phone, she needed to learn how to be a mother."
My throat burned. I had asked. I remembered standing by the wall paneling with the empty pitcher, thinking the room was tilting. The teddy bears on the shelf blurred into brown spots. I thought if I could just sit on the rug for a minute, the dizziness would pass.
"When did she fall?" Daniel asked.
"I was in the back folding diapers on the cart," Marissa said. "I heard Noah crying hard, that sharp cry. By the time I got to the doorway, she was already down beside the crib. On her side on the rug. Noah was screaming in the crib. And Miss Evelyn—"
Marissa paused. A door clicked somewhere down the hall. Footsteps.
"Miss Evelyn kept eating," she finished quickly. "She said—"
"She's lazy, she still hadn't finished serving dinner," Daniel said. His voice cracked. "I heard her say it when I came in."
"Yes," Marissa whispered. "She didn't get up. She didn't call for help. I started toward Clara and Mr. Victor—"
The hallway footsteps got louder. I felt Daniel stand. The mattress lifted.
"Daniel." That was Evelyn now, calm, from the doorway. Her pearls clicked when she moved, I knew that sound. "You are upsetting the housekeeper with questions while your wife needs quiet."
"She needs the truth," Daniel said.
"She needs rest," Evelyn said. "Which I told her to get, if she'd listened. Marissa, the cart needs to be righted and the dining table cleared before morning."
I tried to hold onto their voices, but exhaustion pulled me under again. The last thing I felt was Daniel's hand finding mine on the blanket, his thumb pressing over my hospital wristband like he was making sure I was still there.
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In the dark behind my eyes, I was walking again. Crib to table. Table to crib. Noah crying. The chandelier too warm on my face. My knees giving out on the rug.
I couldn't stop walking.
