Chapter 1 - The Empty Plate in Front of Lily
The crying hit me before I even got my knees on the rug. Lily's cheeks were wet and streaked, and my left hand was cupping her face before I realized I'd reached for her. My wedding ring was cold against her hot skin. In front of us the dark wood table was still set for dinner, white plates with half-eaten food going soft at the edges, placemats crooked, a clear drinking glass sweating right in the middle. Behind the chairs the sheer white curtains glowed a little from the warm low light in the room, and everything smelled like heated-up food nobody was eating.
Vanessa was standing at the end of the table with her hands clasped tight in front of her gray button shirt, her blonde hair pulled back hard off her face. She wasn't looking at Lily. She was looking at me kneeling there, like I'd walked in and done something wrong by touching our daughter. Mason sat a couple chairs down in his dark t-shirt, shoulders hunched over his full plate, not picking up his fork. He kept looking down at his food and then up at us, quick and anxious.
My name is David and I was still in my work polo kneeling beside that table.
It was just past six thirty and I'd come straight in from the garage, hands still smelling like dust and car metal. Lily had run to me from her chair the second she saw me, sobbing so hard she couldn't get air. I'd knelt down beside her chair and turned her toward me. Up close I could see the tears clinging to her lower lashes, a thin shiny trail down both cheeks where my thumb was now. Her ponytail had slipped sideways, her floral dress was twisted at the waist from squirming. Her plate was there on her placemat in the foreground, and I kept seeing it while I held her — the white rim, the smear, nothing that looked actually eaten.
She pressed her forehead hard into my palm and sobbed it out. "I was hungry, daddy."
Vanessa didn't move. Her voice came down flat and controlled over the table. "She already ate. She is just being difficult."
I didn't answer right away. I could feel Lily's breath shaking against my wrist. I could hear the clock in the hallway ticking too loud. My eyes kept going from Lily's empty-looking plate back to Vanessa's clasped hands, white at the knuckles, and then to Mason, who had gone very still. He stared down at his own plate like he wanted to disappear behind that glass. Then he glanced up at me, and something in his face caved.
"Mom said she would not make her anything."
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The air left the room. My hand froze on Lily's cheek. I felt my eye widen before I could stop it, that involuntary pull as his words landed against what Vanessa had just said. Vanessa's head snapped toward him. "What?"
Nobody moved after that. I stayed on my knees with Lily's tears drying under my thumb, Vanessa stayed standing with her mouth half open, Mason stayed hunched with his eyes locked on me, scared at what he'd just said out loud. The plates sat between us getting cold.
