Chapter 11
The courthouse hallway smelled like floor cleaner and wet coats. I sat between Mrs. Bell and Ms. Alvarez on a wooden bench, my shoes not touching the floor.
Mrs. Bell held a folder on her lap. Ms. Alvarez held nothing. She had told me that morning she didn’t want to make the day feel like a test.
“You can stop at any time,” she said.
“I know.”
“And you can ask for a break without explaining why.”
“I know.”
She nodded once. She didn’t keep repeating it. That helped more than if she had.
A court assistant opened the door and called my name. My stomach tightened, but I stood. Mrs. Bell reached for my hand, then paused. I looked at her and held out my fingers.
She took them lightly.
Inside, the room was smaller than I expected. There was a judge behind a raised desk, two other adults at tables, and a screen turned toward a chair facing away from most of them. The county investigator, Mr. Price, sat near the wall with a notebook closed in front of him.
The judge explained what would happen. I could watch the recorded interview instead of answering every question in the courtroom. If someone asked something I didn’t understand, I could say so. If I didn’t remember, I could say that too.
“You are not here to make anyone happy,” the judge said. “You are here to tell what you know, as best you can.”
I looked at the microphone.
“What if I only know part of it?”
“Then you tell the part you know.”
The recorded interview began.
My own face appeared on the screen, smaller than I remembered. My pigtails were uneven. My red sleeve covered my arm. Ms. Alvarez sat beside me in the recording, hands folded in her lap.
The interviewer asked where I slept before I came to Mrs. Bell’s house.
I answered carefully. I said what happened at night. I said my stepmom made me clean the dog kennel and then made me stay inside it. I said I was scared to sleep.
The recording moved slowly. Sometimes there were long spaces where I had looked down and breathed through my nose. Nobody in the courtroom hurried those spaces along.
Then the attorney at the other table stood.
“Emily, do you understand that children sometimes misunderstand instructions?”
My fingers pressed into the edge of the chair.
The judge looked at him. “Ask the question without suggesting an answer.”
He tried again. “Did you ever misunderstand what Mrs. Hayes wanted you to do?”
“I might have misunderstood some things,” I said. “But not the kennel.”
He glanced at his papers.
“Could the bruises have come from playing?”
“I don’t know how I got every bruise.”
That answer made my chest feel hot. I wanted to fill the silence with something better, something that would make everyone believe me. Ms. Alvarez stayed still across the room. She didn’t nod. She didn’t shake her head.
I remembered Mr. Reed telling me that not knowing was different from guessing.
“I know my sleeve slipped,” I said. “And I know what I told my teacher.”
The attorney asked another question about whether I wanted to get Mrs. Hayes in trouble.
“No,” I said.
“What did you want?”
I looked at the judge instead of the attorney.
“I wanted to sleep.”
The room became quiet.
After the recording ended, the judge asked whether I wanted to answer anything else. My throat felt dry, but I shook my head.
“No more questions.”
The judge accepted that without asking me to reconsider.
Outside, the hallway seemed brighter. Mrs. Bell bought a small bottle of water from a vending machine and waited while I drank. Ms. Alvarez stood a few feet away, giving me space.
“Was I supposed to say more?” I asked.
“No,” Ms. Alvarez said. “You said what you knew.”
“And they still might not believe me.”
She took a breath. “Some decisions take time. The record doesn’t depend on one person’s expression.”
I looked at the courthouse doors. Beyond them, cars moved through the gray afternoon.
The judge continued the protective arrangement. Mrs. Hayes still couldn’t contact me without permission or pick me up from school. The permanent decision would come later.
It wasn’t the ending. I understood that.
May you like
But when Mrs. Bell opened the car door, I got in without being told. I had answered the questions I could answer. I had refused the ones that asked me to guess.
For the first time, that felt like enough for one day.
