Chapter 13 - I Returned the Necklace So She Could Put It Back Herself
The light came in thin through the kitchen window and made a white square on the table. I sat with my hands around my mug. It was too hot and I didn't drink it. Sarah sat across from me in one of Evelyn's sweaters, her hair still damp from the shower. Evelyn stood at the stove, not cooking, just holding a spatula like she wasn't sure what to do with it. Outside, beyond the brownstone steps, I could hear the low murmur of the press camped on the sidewalk. Someone coughed. A camera shutter clicked even though there was nothing to see.
We ate because Evelyn put toast down and we had to. Sarah cut her toast into two triangles and didn't eat either. I watched the butter melt.
The necklace was on the table between us. Not on the chain. Evelyn had laid it out straight on a folded tea towel after she cleaned it last night. The blue stone caught the morning light and threw a little spot on the ceiling. I kept looking at that spot instead of at them.
I had kept the necklace in my pocket since the ballroom. Even when Evelyn held it, I felt like it was still mine to hold onto. Sarah had given it to me before she left for work that last morning and said keep it safe. I had. I didn't know if giving it back now meant I was letting go of her or giving her back to herself.
"You don't have to do anything with it today," Evelyn said quietly. She was looking at Sarah, not me. "It can stay in the safe."
Sarah didn't answer right away. She rubbed her thumb along the rim of her mug.
I reached out before I could talk myself out of it. My hand hovered over the chain. "I want to give it back," I said. My voice was small and I had to clear my throat. "Not just leave it there."
Evelyn looked down at me then. Sarah looked up.
"To who?" Sarah asked.
I picked up the chain carefully, the way Evelyn had shown me to hold it so it didn't tangle. The locket was warm from the towel. "To you," I said to Evelyn. "So you can put it back on her. Properly. Like it was supposed to be."
For a second nobody breathed. Evelyn's eyes got shiny and she pressed her lips together. She nodded once.
Sarah frowned a little. "Honey, you don't have to—"
"I want to," I said. I held the necklace out to Evelyn with both hands. "You should be the one to do it."
Evelyn stepped closer to the table. She took the necklace from me slowly, like she was afraid to pull. Her manicured fingers closed around the chain and the blue stone rested in her palm. She looked at Sarah for permission.
Sarah watched her mother's hands. Her shoulders were tight under the sweater. After a long pause she gave a small nod and pushed her chair back just enough.
Evelyn moved behind Sarah's chair. I watched her hands shake a little as she lifted the chain. The clasp was tiny and she had to try twice. Her breathing was audible. She draped the gold around Sarah's neck and the stone settled just below her throat, on top of the sweater. It looked different there than it had on the marble floor. It looked like it belonged.
"There," Evelyn whispered. She didn't touch Sarah otherwise. She let her hands hover and then drop to her sides. "Your grandmother would—" She stopped herself. "It suits you."
Sarah's hand came up and touched the stone lightly, then let it fall. She didn't look in a mirror. She looked at me.
Evelyn reached into the pocket of her robe then. She pulled out something small and flat. I saw it was the tiny photograph from inside the locket, the one of her holding a newborn baby. She had trimmed the bent edges or put it in a little clear sleeve.
She knelt down next to my chair so we were eye level. The morning light made the gray in her upswept hair show.
"This was inside for you to keep," she said, and slipped it into my palm. "If you want it. So you have something that's just yours. Not borrowed."
The photo was small enough to fit in my pocket. The baby in it was Sarah, with her eyes closed. Evelyn in the photo was younger, smiling with her whole face. I closed my fingers around it. It was warm from Evelyn's pocket.
"Thank you," I said. I put it carefully in the front pocket of my pants and patted it flat. My coat was hanging over the kitchen chair, and for the first time I didn't feel like I needed to keep my hands in its pockets.
Sarah stood up slowly. The necklace moved with her. She touched it again, more deliberately this time, and then looked at Evelyn.
"I'll wear it," she said. Her voice was steady but not soft. "Because you're acknowledging I'm your daughter. Not because you're paying me to come back."
Evelyn nodded. She stayed kneeling by my chair, listening.
Sarah continued, her hand still at the stone. "That doesn't mean everything's fine. We don't go back to galas and foundation boards tomorrow. We talk. Slowly. You see her—" she glanced at me "—when I say it's okay, and where I say. We find a place that's ours, not yours. And you tell the truth out there—" she tipped her head toward the window and the murmur outside "—without making me a story to fix your name."
"I will," Evelyn said. "No conditions on my help that you don't agree to. I will say what happened exactly as it happened."
Sarah let out a breath she'd been holding. She looked down at the blue stone once more, then let her hand drop. "Okay," she said. "Slowly."
May you like
I felt my shoulders drop. I hadn't realized I was holding them up. The spot of blue light was still on the ceiling, but now it came from Sarah's neck instead of the towel. I kept my hand on the photo in my pocket and felt its edge through the fabric.
Outside, another camera clicked. Evelyn didn't look toward the window.
