Chapter 7 - The Word She Would Not Say Again
Nathan stayed by the stove talking low with Vanessa, his voice doing that smoothing thing men do when they don't want a morning to break open. I took the opening. I moved back toward the island, slow, keeping my hands where the girls could see them.
Lily was still in front of Sophie under the island. Sophie's pink pajama leg had ridden up and her knee was pressed hard into Lily's side. The teddy bear was smashed between them, its ear bent back. The kitchen smelled like toast going cold and coffee I hadn't poured.
I crouched down until my eyes were level with theirs. The tile was hard against my knees through my jeans.
"Hey," I said quietly. "It's just us down here."
Lily glanced past me toward Vanessa's shoes. She didn't move, but her arm tightened around Sophie. That was her answer to everything — pull closer first, decide later.
I tried to keep my breathing even. I'd replayed her whisper all morning. Please don't wake her. Not don't wake Sophie, not don't wake Dad. Her. In a house with only one other woman upstairs half the time, it felt obvious, and that scared me because obvious could be wrong.
I didn't want to put a name in her mouth. I'd learned that the hard way with kids at the after-school program, how fast they'll agree just to end the question.
"You said something earlier, under the table," I said. "When I found you. Do you remember what you said?"
Lily stared at me. Sophie burrowed her face into the bear's belly, the fur muffling her breath. She clutched it tighter until her knuckles went white.
"I don't want to get it wrong," I went on. "Were you worried about Sophie waking up? She looked pretty tired."
Sophie made a small sound into the bear and shook her head without lifting her face. Lily's hand moved to the back of Sophie's head, covering her like you would shield eyes from sun.
"No," Lily whispered. It was barely anything. "Not her."
I let that sit. The refrigerator hummed. Behind me, Nathan laughed once, short, trying to lighten something Vanessa had said. It didn't work.
"Okay," I said. "Not Sophie."
I didn't say Vanessa's name. I wouldn't. If I said it and Lily nodded because she was scared of me, I'd never forgive myself. If I said it and Vanessa heard, it would be over. I could feel Vanessa's attention flicking toward us even while she talked to Nathan.
Lily looked at the doorway, then at the ceiling, like she was tracking where sound went in this house. She put a finger to her lips, quick, and shook her head at me. Not now. Not out loud.
"Do you want to say it again for me?" I asked, softer. "Just for me?"
She shook her head harder. She mouthed no and glanced sideways toward her mom's voice. That glance said more than a sentence would have. She wasn't forgetting. She was refusing because she was afraid of being heard.
My chest tightened. I wanted to press. I wanted to say, honey, you can tell me, nothing bad will happen. But that would have been a lie. I didn't know what would happen.
So I stopped. I sat back on my heels and let my hands rest on my thighs.
"That's okay," I said. "You don't have to."
Sophie peeked out then, just her eyes over the top of the bear. Her blonde hair was stuck to her cheek with sweat. I smiled at her, small.
"Your bear's getting squished," I said. "You want to fix his ear?"
She looked down at the bear like she'd forgotten it could be fixed. She straightened the ear with two fingers, careful. Lily watched her sister's hands and her shoulders dropped a fraction.
"Are you guys hungry at all?" I asked. "There's toast. And those little yogurts you like. We could bring them over here if you don't want to sit at the table yet."
Lily hesitated. She looked at Sophie, checking. Sophie nodded into the bear.
"Can we eat here?" Lily asked. Her voice cracked.
"Yeah," I said. "We can eat here."
I stood slowly so I wouldn't startle them and went to the counter. I kept my movements ordinary. Two plates, toast cut in triangles the way Sophie would actually eat it, yogurt with the foil half peeled. I set them on the floor by the island, not under it, so they could choose to come out.
They inched forward. Lily first, then Sophie half behind her, bear still held tight to her chest. They didn't climb into chairs. They sat cross-legged on the kitchen mat, backs against the island cabinet.
"After that, bathroom?" I said lightly. "Wash hands, wash faces? Then we figure out the rest."
May you like
Lily nodded, chewing. Sophie leaned her head against Lily's arm while she ate, bear tucked under her chin. The fear hadn't left, but the shaking had eased.
I didn't know who her was. Not for sure. But I knew this much now — it wasn't Sophie, and it was someone Lily thought might be listening. That was enough to keep me close and to stop asking for today.
