Chapter 8 - The Side Room Went Quiet When She Said Choose
The side room was too small and too cold. That was what I noticed first.
It wasn't really a room for people. It was for flowers and extra chairs. The walls were white like the chapel, but there was no daylight in here, only a buzzing light up high. It smelled like roses that had been sitting too long in water. My arms ached from holding her.
She was getting heavy. I shifted her up against my shoulder and her blanket slipped. I fixed it fast before anybody could say I wasn't holding her right. The cream cardigan stuck to my back. My dress stuck to my legs.
Daddy stood by the door with the chain closed in his hand. He hadn't put it in his pocket. He just held it. His bow tie was crooked now. He kept looking at it, then at us, then at the door like he could hear the music starting again out there.
The door opened and she came in.
Her veil caught on the frame and she yanked it free. Up close her makeup looked cracked around her mouth. She didn't look at me at first. She looked only at him.
"This has gone on long enough," she said. Her voice was low, but it shook the air anyway. "The guests are whispering. The pastor is waiting. You need to come back out there right now."
He didn't move from the door. "I can't just walk back out."
"Yes, you can." She stepped closer. Her shoes made a hard sound on the tile. "Tell the staff to take them. That's what staff is for. They can wait in the office until after. Someone can call somebody."
I felt my stomach drop. Take them. Like we were bags.
He shook his head. "No."
She blinked. "What did you say?"
"I said no," he said. His voice got firmer. "I'm not handing two kids to staff and walking away. I'm not putting them out alone."
"You would ruin this?" she said. She pointed toward the chapel wall, toward all the people on the other side of it. "For this interruption? You get back in that aisle, you stand next to me, and we finish this wedding. The children leave. Now."
I knew I wasn't supposed to listen. Grown-ups always said that. But the room was so small I couldn't not hear. My breathing got loud. The baby made a little sound against my neck and I bounced her without thinking, the way I'd learned to do on the bus.
Daddy looked at me. Just for a second. His eyes were red around the edges.
"Lower your voice," he said to her.
"Don't tell me to lower my voice," she said. Her hands were shaking. She pressed them flat against her dress like she was trying to hold herself still. "Do you understand what this looks like? I walked down that aisle and everyone stared at them, not at me. I won't do that again. If you don't come out and if they aren't gone, I will walk back in there and I will tell everyone the wedding is off."
The words landed hard. Off. I didn't know exactly what it meant except it was big and final and it would make everybody gasp.
He stared at her. "You'd do that? Here? In front of everyone?"
"You are making me do it," she said. "You choose. Me or this mess. Right now."
My throat burned. I tried to swallow. The baby's reddish hair was damp against my cheek. My cardigan sleeve was damp too where she'd drooled.
I didn't mean to speak. It just came out.
"Please," I said.
They both turned.
She looked at me like she'd forgotten I could talk. Daddy's face changed right away, like my voice hurt him.
I held the baby tighter. I never put her down. Not once. "Please don't send us away," I said. My voice cracked. "We don't have anywhere to go right now. Just — please don't make us go outside by ourselves."
"See?" the bride said to him, but she was still looking at me. "Do you hear that? She shouldn't even be listening to this. This is adult business."
"She's scared," he said.
"I'm scared too," she said, and for a second her voice wasn't angry, just thin. "I planned this day for a year. And now —"
The buzzing light kept buzzing. Somewhere beyond the wall an organ played a soft note and then stopped, like someone had touched it by mistake. The baby shifted and whimpered and I pressed my cheek to the top of her head to quiet her.
Daddy opened his mouth, then closed it. He looked at the bride, then at me holding the baby, then down at his closed fist with the chain inside.
May you like
He didn't choose. Not yet.
The bride saw it too. She pulled her veil straight and lifted her chin. "You have two minutes," she said. "Then I walk."
