Chapter 1 - The Ring I Held Up at Sunset
The string lights were already on above the wooden deck even though the sun hadn't dropped all the way. That was what I remembered most later, how early I'd gotten there to get everything right. I'd parked the black sedan tight against the railing so the sunset would hit the hood, set the little table with her light handbag already waiting on it, and checked my shirt twice. Navy button-down, sleeves rolled. My silver watch caught the light every time my hand shook. And Olivia standing there in that champagne sequined gown like she belonged somewhere more expensive than a rooftop I'd borrowed for the night, beautiful and already far away from me while I was still smiling.
My name is Ethan Carter. I was twenty-nine that night and certain love could cover what I didn't have yet.
The deck boards were warm under my brown shoes. A breeze moved through around seven, lifting the edge of the tablecloth and making the bulbs sway. I could hear traffic down below and ice shifting in a bucket I couldn't afford to refill. I stepped in front of her so the sedan and the sunset were both behind me, like a backdrop I'd planned, and I pulled the small box from my black pants pocket. I got down on one knee before she could tell me not to. I opened it and held the diamond solitaire up between my fingers so it caught the gold light.
I looked straight at her and didn't breathe right. "Olivia, I don't have much, but I promise I'll spend my whole life making you happy."
She didn't look at the ring. She looked past my shoulder at the skyline, then down at my hand like it embarrassed her. She turned slightly away from the table, her long dark brown hair falling forward, her drop earrings catching light. Her arms stayed at her sides. She didn't cry. She didn't get angry. That was worse. She just went still in that controlled way she had when she'd already decided something before I started talking.
"Ethan, love isn't enough for me."
I stayed on my knee. I could feel the wood pressing through my pants and my throat closing up. For a second I told myself she'd misspoken. That she meant the timing wasn't right. That was the lie I tried to hold onto while the bulbs buzzed over us and my breathing got loud in my own ears. She wouldn't meet my eyes.
You're leaving already, aren't you.
I stood up too fast. The tears were there before I could stop them, hot and blurring the sunset. I held the ring up higher, between us, my lip trembling so bad I had to bite down to get the words out. "Please, don't walk away from us."
She shifted her weight. One of her heels scraped the deck. She glanced at her handbag on the table, then at the stairs behind me, then back at nothing. The light was fading off the sedan now, the gold going gray at the edges. My hand with the ring stayed in the air, shaking. My breath hitched and I had to look down at the boards to keep from breaking apart right there. A small pause settled between us, full of traffic noise and that buzzing string light closest to my head.
May you like
I lifted my eyes to her again. My voice came out soft and scraped raw. "One day, I'll make something of myself."
She didn't answer that. She took a step sideways, her sequined gown brushing the table leg, her shadow stretching long across the wood. The sunset caught her hair one last time as she moved toward the edge of my vision, her face turned away, my tear-blurred sight still locked on her while the ring pinched between my fingers and the light went thin.
