Chapter 2 - I Set the Folder Down Before He Woke Up
I'd set the folder on the floor that morning before Derek woke up.
That was the part I kept coming back to while we stood there, because it meant I hadn't grabbed it in a panic. I had carried it downstairs in my socks while the house was still gray, before the sun hit the front windows. My back ached low and tight the way it had for a week, and the baby was pressed so hard against my ribs I had to stop on the third step and breathe. I put the black duffel by the wall first, the one I'd packed for the hospital, and then I put the folder right next to it where he would have to see it. I didn't open it. I didn't need to.
Now the daylight was full in the entryway. It laid a bright square across the wood floor between us and made the dust visible in the air. Derek's suitcase stood upright by his leg, the handle pulled all the way up. His hand was still on the front doorknob, but he hadn't turned it. Through the open door I could hear a car idling in the driveway.
He looked at the folder, then at me, then away toward the light.
"It's just two days," he said. "Work thing outside the county. I'll be back before your checkup."
He said it fast, like he'd already decided that speed would make it sound normal. The sunglasses hid his eyes, but his mouth was tight. His watch caught the sun when he shifted his grip on the suitcase handle.
I didn't answer right away. I could feel my heartbeat under the sweater, too fast, and the weight of my belly pulling me forward. I stared at the folder. The corner was bent from where I'd shoved it into the duffel last week. A couple pages had slid halfway out.
I pointed down without bending over. I couldn't have bent over if I'd wanted to.
"Then why is that here?" I said.
It came out quieter than I meant. Not an accusation. Just a question I needed him to hear himself avoid.
He glanced down again. For a second his jaw moved, like he was going to explain the papers. Then he let go of the doorknob and let the suitcase stand on its own. The wheels clicked faintly against the wood when he let go.
"Maya," he said. "Don't do this right now."
"What am I doing?" I said.
He didn't answer that. He took a half step toward me, then stopped when the baby shifted and I put my hand automatically on my side. His eyes dropped to my hand, to the sweater stretched over me, then back to the door. Outside, beyond the screen of bright light, the silver SUV was still there at the curb. I couldn't see her face from where I stood, just the shape of someone waiting by the passenger side.
Derek turned his head slightly toward the driveway. It wasn't a full look. Just a check, a pull he couldn't quite hide. The tension in his shoulders changed.
"I packed light on purpose," he said, nodding at the suitcase like that proved something. "See? Carry-on size. It's nothing."
I kept my finger pointed at the papers on the floor. My hand was shaking a little, so I lowered it to the top of my belly to steady it.
"I didn't put those there by accident," I said.
May you like
That landed. He stared at me, his lips parted, and for a moment I thought he was going to pick the folder up himself and put it back on the table and pretend this was a different kind of morning. Instead he left the suitcase where it was and took one step closer to the open door, into the brighter light, his gray slip-ons loud on the wood.
From there he could see the driveway straight on. I watched the back of his neck redden under his short hair. He didn't walk out. He just stood in the threshold with the daylight all over his navy shirt, listening to that engine run, while the folder stayed on the floor between me and everything he wasn't saying.
