Chapter 5: The Blue Screen Holds More
Morning light came in different through the dining room. It was white and thin, not warm like the lamp the night before. Dad's suit jacket was hung over the back of one of the cream chairs, not on him. He stood at the table in his white undershirt and dress pants, his tie gone, holding his phone in one hand and not looking at it.
I hadn't slept much in his bed. Caleb had curled facing the wall and breathed loud. I kept waking up and checking if the tablet was still on the nightstand where Dad had put it. It was.
Dad had told Vanessa to stay in the bedroom. He didn't say it loud. He just said it and closed the door halfway when he came out to make coffee. I watched him from the doorway in my white dress, which was wrinkled now from sleeping in it. My puffs had flattened on one side.
He saw me and his face did something quick, like he tried to smile but couldn't hold it.
"Hey, bug," he said. His voice was low. "You hungry?"
I nodded. I didn't say yes right away because I wasn't sure what that meant anymore.
He poured cereal without asking Vanessa. He got the box down from the top shelf where she kept it pushed back and poured it into a blue plastic bowl for me. My hands shook holding the spoon. He sat across from me at the dark wood table and watched me eat like he was counting each bite.
When I was done I wiped my mouth and said, "There's more on there."
He frowned. "More what?"
"Videos," I said. "I didn't only do one."
He went still. The coffee machine hissed behind him.
I slid off the chair and went to the nightstand and brought back the tablet. It felt heavier in the morning. He took it with both hands the same way he'd lifted it the night before, but now he sat down on the couch in the living room and patted the cushion next to him. I climbed up. Caleb came out then, in his light blue shirt from yesterday, his hair messed from sleep. Dad motioned him over too and Caleb sat on the other side, his knees pulled up.
Dad pressed play.
The first clip was from two weeks ago. The date was in the corner in little white numbers. The camera was shaky because I'd hidden it behind the bread box. Vanessa was on the screen in her gray shirt, opening the fridge and taking out the milk and the leftover chicken and putting them in a plastic bin with a lid. Then she clicked a small lock through it. She looked right at the camera without knowing it was there and said, "You wait till dinner. You don't touch this."
Dad didn't breathe for a second. He swiped.
The next one was me standing on my toes in front of the pantry. Vanessa's hand came into frame and lifted the cereal box up to the highest shelf where I couldn't reach even on the chair. "I told you no," she said on the video, flat and tired, like I was bothering her.
The third one was shorter. I was at the table and my plate was empty while Caleb's had food. I asked, "Can I have more?" and she said, "You had enough," and walked away.
Dad stopped the video. His thumb hovered over the screen and then he locked the tablet and held it against his chest.
Caleb picked at a thread on his shorts. His eyes were red.
"Caleb," Dad said quietly. "Did you know about this?"
Caleb didn't look up. He nodded once, small.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Dad asked, and his voice cracked just a little.
Caleb's shoulders came up to his ears. "She said if I gave Amara my food I'd get in trouble too," he whispered. "She said she'd take my tablet and not let me go to Jayden's. She said I had to listen because she was in charge when you were at work."
I remembered that day. I'd asked Caleb for half his sandwich and he'd looked at the bedroom door where Vanessa was and shook his head fast and whispered, "I can't."
Dad put his arm around Caleb and pulled him in, but he was looking at me. His eyes went down my arms, my legs. I was in the sleeveless dress so he could see everything. He reached out and his hand was careful, like he was afraid to squeeze.
"Stand up for me, Amara," he said.
I stood on the carpet in front of the couch. He turned my wrist over gently and looked at the bones there. He touched the side of my face where my cheek felt hollow. I didn't know I was that thin until I saw his face change.
"Have you felt dizzy?" he asked. "At school?"
Sometimes, I wanted to say, but I just nodded. My stud earrings felt cold.
He sat back hard against the couch cushions and rubbed both hands over his faded hair. He wasn't crying but his breathing was short. "Weeks," he said, mostly to himself. "This wasn't one night. This was weeks and I left for work every morning."
He looked at the tablet again, at the black edge and the blue screen now dark, and then he stood and carried it to his dresser and put it up high, on top where Vanessa couldn't reach without his chair. He plugged the charger in.
"We keep this," he said, looking at us both. "Nobody touches it. Nobody deletes anything. I need to write down what days these are and I'm going to call your doctor today. I'm not going to work without a plan."
He crouched down so his eyes were level with mine. "You did right to record it," he said. "Do you understand? You did right."
May you like
I nodded again and my throat felt tight. For the first time since Vanessa started locking the bin, I didn't feel like I was going to get in trouble for being hungry.
Outside, a car door slammed in the parking lot and Dad glanced toward the white paneled door, then back at us, like he was already counting what he needed to do before anyone could stop him.
