Chapter 1 - The Hand in the Daylight
The sun was so bright on the deck that day it turned everything white at the edges. Leo had his hand up so high his shirt lifted off his belly, his fingers opening and closing for the white plate my mother-in-law Carol was carrying across the boards. She was smiling big in her green floral dress, the fries steaming in the heat, salt catching the light. She looked right through him and kept walking toward my cousin's kid by the railing.
My name is Jenna. I was twenty-eight that Saturday, standing three feet from my son with a paper plate going soft in my own hand.
It was just after two. I remember because my husband's brother had just flipped the burgers and said they needed five more minutes, and someone had turned the backyard speaker up. The deck smelled like charcoal and sunscreen and cut grass. Carol moved slow so she wouldn't spill, her short brown bob stuck to her neck. Leo stepped into her path and said it again, louder. Please. Can I have some. His voice cracked on the last word.
I watched his hand. That is the part I can't unsee. His light brown hair was damp and pushed flat. His white t-shirt with the thin stripes and the little blue pocket on the chest was sticking to his back. He held that hand up and waited to be chosen, and Carol smiled past his shoulder like he was part of the air. She set the plate down in front of the other kid. The adults around the cooler laughed at something I didn't hear.
Behind them my phone buzzed once in my back pocket against my jeans. Then again. I pulled it out under the table line where no one would notice. Black case, screen too bright in the sun. I had to shade it with my hand to read it.
Missed Calls: Mom (3). Then while I stared, it jumped to (4).
Leo's face changed before any sound came out. His mouth pulled down at the corners. His eyes filled and spilled over without blinking. He didn't drop his hand. He just stood there crying with it still in the air, like if he kept it up long enough someone would finally see it.
I crouched down and the deck burned through my knees. I could hear Rosa in my head from the diner down on Route 9, the way she always said, hon, sit a minute, I'll bring you something hot. I hadn't thought about that place in months, but I thought about it then, the yellow walls and the cool counter under your arms.
Carol was still smiling. She brushed crumbs off her hands.
I told myself she didn't see him. That's what I told myself.
May you like
I looked at Leo. I looked at my phone buzzing again in my palm.
Baby, I said, quiet. Come here.
