Chapter 14 - The Doors Slide Open
The lobby doors kept sliding open and letting in cold air.
I sat with Lily on the low bench by the glass, where the sheriff had left us with a vending machine hot chocolate I hadn't touched. Outside it was almost dark and the snow was coming down sideways in the parking lot lights. Every bus that pulled past the entrance made my stomach jump. Lily had her bunny tight under her chin and her boots were dripping onto the tile. She kept looking at the doors like she could make Mom come through them if she stared hard enough.
The sheriff stood a few feet away, talking low on his radio. He kept glancing back at us, like he was afraid if he looked away too long we'd disappear again.
"Emma?" Lily whispered. "Is Mommy lost too?"
I didn't know what to say. My gloves were wet through and my fingers hurt when I bent them. I put my arm around her the way I had on the sidewalk, because that was the only answer I had.
Then the doors slid open and cold hit our faces and I heard running shoes squeak on the tile.
"Emma! Lily!"
I knew that voice before I looked up. Mom came in with snow in her hair and her coat half zipped, her purse strap slipping off her shoulder. Her face was white and her eyes were wild, scanning the lobby. When she saw us she made a sound I had never heard from her before, like she couldn't get air.
"Lily!" she cried.
Lily sat straight up. "Mommy!" She held up her bunny high, like she was showing proof. "Bunny's cold!"
She was already sliding off the bench, her boots hitting the floor hard. She ran two steps before Mom dropped to her knees and caught her up, holding her so tight Lily's hat tipped back.
I didn't move.
My legs wouldn't do it. I just sat there with my hands in my lap, watching Mom rock Lily and cry into her snowsuit. All I could hear was the wind on the sidewalk and Lily saying she was tired, and Grandma's voice at the door saying your mother should have called. My chest felt locked up.
Mom looked over Lily's shoulder at me. "Baby, come here. Please."
I stared at her boots. They had slush on them. She must have run from the parking garage. I thought about how long Lily and I had been out there, walking and stopping and sitting down in the snow, and how I had called for her and she hadn't come.
"Emma," the sheriff said quietly behind me. He didn't push. He just put his hand lightly on the back of the bench.
Mom set Lily down but kept one arm around her. She held out her other hand to me. Her fingers were shaking.
"I thought you were inside," she said. Her voice broke. "I took you to Grandma's because the hospital called about Dad and I didn't — I didn't have anyone else. I thought she would take you in. I thought you'd be warm."
Lily leaned against Mom's leg, crying now for real, rubbing her face with her mitten. "Grandma closed the door," she said. "Emma stayed with me."
Mom closed her eyes. When she opened them she was looking right at me.
"I know," she said. "I'm so sorry. I should never have left you on that porch."
I wanted to go to her and I wanted to stay where I was. My throat hurt. I remembered kneeling on the sidewalk and begging Lily to stay with me, and how I had looked up at the empty street because there was no one else to look for.
"Mommy, where were you?" I said. It came out small.
She crawled the last foot on her knees across the wet tile and wrapped her arm around me without lifting me up. She didn't pull me hard. She just held on like she was afraid I'd break if she squeezed.
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"I was upstairs with Dad," she whispered. "Then I was driving back to get you. I didn't know."
Lily climbed into my lap sideways, still holding her bunny, and leaned her head on my shoulder while Mom's arm stayed around both of us. I could feel Mom shaking. I let her hand rest on my back. I didn't hug her back yet. I just sat there and let her stay close while the doors kept opening and closing behind us.
