Chapter 6 - The Neighbor Lights
Lily got heavier with every step. Not all at once, but in that slow way that made my arms burn before I realized I was carrying most of her weight.
We stayed near the edge of the sidewalk where the plows had pushed the snow into a hard ridge. My boots slipped on the wet part underneath. I held her hand tight with my left and kept my right arm around her back. She leaned into me. Her bunny dragged against my coat.
"Stay on my feet," I said. "Step where I step."
She tried. Her black boots were too small for the slush. Water had soaked through the seams and I could hear it when she walked, a soft squish each time she lifted her foot.
Across the street, the houses started turning on their porch lights. One by one. It was getting darker faster now, the sky going from gray to that blue-gray color that made everything look colder. Most of the windows had curtains closed and Christmas trees glowing behind them. I kept looking for a house that looked awake.
The one on the corner had its front light on and the walk shoveled clean. No ice. The snow was piled neat on both sides and I could see footprints going in and out, fresh. There was a mat by the door with snowmen on it. Smoke was coming out of the chimney.
That was the one I picked. If they shoveled, I thought, they opened their door.
"Come on," I told Lily. "Just to that door."
She looked up at the house and then at me. Her cheeks were red and her nose was running. "My legs hurt."
"I know. It's real close. You don't have to talk to anybody. Just stand with me."
I led her off the sidewalk and up the walk. My boots gripped better there because of the salt scattered across the concrete. Little white pieces stuck to the bottom of Lily's boots. I counted the steps so I wouldn't think about Grandma's door. Four steps to the porch.
The porch light was warm and yellow. It made Lily's pom hat look gold on top. Moths weren't out because it was too cold, but I could see my breath and hers in the light.
I shifted so Lily was in front of me, between me and the door, so the wind wouldn't hit her back. I kept my arm around her. Her bunny was squished between us. I knocked with my gray glove, three hard knocks like Dad did when we forgot our key.
Nothing.
I could hear a TV inside. Laughing. Someone turned the volume down for a second, and I held my breath because I thought they were coming. Then it got louder again.
I knocked again, harder this time. My glove thumped against the wood. Lily flinched at the sound and pressed her face into my coat.
"Please," I whispered, not to her. I didn't even know I said it out loud until the air puffed white in front of me.
I waited. I counted to twenty the way Mom taught me when I was impatient at the doctor's office. One Mississippi, two Mississippi. Lily's mittens clutched my sleeve. At twelve, the porch light next door flicked off. At eighteen, my hand started shaking from holding her up.
Nobody came.
I thought about knocking on the window next to the door where the light was leaking out around the blinds. My hand lifted. Then I stopped. If they didn't want to answer the door, they wouldn't want the window either. And Lily was watching me now, her eyes wide, waiting to see if I could make someone come.
I didn't want her to see another no.
"They're probably eating dinner," I said quickly. My voice sounded too bright. "We don't want to bother dinner. Come on, we'll go back."
"Emma—" she started.
"I saw lights down by the corner," I said. "Bigger lights. Remember the church with the big doors? We'll go there where it's loud and people have to answer."
I backed her down the steps one at a time, holding both her hands so she wouldn't slip. At the bottom I crouched and wiped her nose with the edge of my glove before she could feel embarrassed about it.
May you like
We stepped back onto the sidewalk. The cold hit again right away, worse after the little shelter of that porch. The wind cut across my neck where my hood had slipped. I fixed Lily's hat down over her ears and tucked the bunny back under her arm.
Private houses weren't going to work. I got that now. You could knock and knock and they could just turn the TV up. I needed a place that couldn't pretend we weren't there.
