Chapter 14 - Daddy Told Her to Leave
I didn't let go of his leg. I remember that more than anything else from that minute, the way my fingers bunched his black pants and wouldn't open again. My white bow had slipped sideways and my hair stuck to my cheek. My gold spoon was still back on the table by my white bowl, but I didn't care about it. Bunny's ear was pressed flat under my other hand. Daddy's big silver watch was cold when it brushed my forehead because he'd bent down a little to keep his hand on my back.
The candles had burned lower. I could hear them more than see them, that soft little hiss when the flame moved. The chandelier light caught the cut-crystal water glass in front of my place and threw a thin line across the dark wood. The pasta in my bowl had gone cold. The white flowers at the center of the table looked gray in the low light. Outside the big windows it was black, and I could see our reflections in the glass.
Daddy didn't stand up all the way. He kept one hand on me. He breathed once through his nose, and I felt his leg shift under my cheek when he locked his knee like he was holding himself still.
Veronica was still at the other end of the table. Her burgundy dress shone where the candlelight hit her shoulder. Her hair was still pinned up, and her drop earrings didn't move at all. She had her hands folded in front of her gold charger like she was waiting for this to go back to being dinner.
I stared at her diamond necklace going up and down when she breathed.
She tried first. Her voice was smooth again, the way it got when she answered the phone. "Can we please not do this in front of her? She's three. She's tired. This is getting too big."
Daddy shook his head just a little. I felt it more than saw it because my face was against him. His tattoos moved on his neck when he swallowed. "No," he said. "We're not putting it off because she's in the room. She's in the room because it's about her."
His voice wasn't loud. That scared me more than if he'd yelled. His rolled sleeve brushed my hair when he moved his hand from my back to the top of my head and held it there.
Veronica looked at his hand on me and then at me. Her mouth made a small tight smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I have loved this family," she said. "I've tried to give this house some order. A child needs routine. She needs to sleep through the night and not live in the past. I was trying to help her move forward. That is love, not cruelty."
I pressed harder into Daddy's leg. I didn't understand all of her words, but I understood move forward meant Mommy's picture staying gone.
Daddy was quiet for a long breath. I could hear his breathing over my head, slow and heavy. Then he said it plain. "Her mom comes first. Always. And her feeling safe in this house comes first. Before you. Before me being comfortable. Before any of this."
The words landed in my stomach and stayed warm there. He said mom like it was a fact nobody could vote on. His jaw was tight. I saw it from underneath, the stubble on his chin and the way the muscle jumped once.
Veronica unfolded her hands. "You're saying that like I'm against her," she said. "I'm not. I set rules because children need boundaries. I put things away because she was clinging. If Bunny and a photograph are running this house, that's not healthy. I was making room for us."
"There is no us if it costs her this," Daddy said. He finally straightened a little, but he didn't take his hand off me. "You took what helps her sleep. You hid what helps her remember her mom. You don't get to call that order."
The candle flame bent when the air moved from the hallway vent. Wax had pooled around one holder. Nobody touched the water glasses.
Veronica's stare went cold again, the same look from the start of dinner when she watched from behind us. "So one hard night and you're throwing this away?" she asked. "You're going to let a three-year-old decide?"
"I'm deciding," Daddy said. "As her dad." He paused, and his voice dropped lower. "Tonight's over, Veronica. I need you to go."
I stopped breathing for a second. Go meant the front door and cars in the dark and her burgundy dress gone from our windows.
Veronica didn't move right away. She looked at the table like she was counting what was hers to take. The gold chargers. Her napkin folded beside her plate. Then she pushed her chair back slowly. The legs made a soft scrape on the floor that made my shoulders jump.
"Fine," she said. She picked up her small black clutch from the sideboard and slipped the strap over her shoulder. She reached for the light shawl she'd draped over the back of her chair and shook it once before pulling it around her arms. Her earrings swung when she turned her head toward the hallway. She didn't look at me again.
Daddy didn't help her. He stayed with me. His hand stayed heavy and warm on my head, and I felt his thumb move once, back and forth, like he was checking I was still there.
Veronica stopped at the edge of the dining room where the chandelier light didn't quite reach. "You'll realize I was the only one keeping this house together," she said.
May you like
Daddy didn't answer that. He looked down at me instead. "I've got you," he said quietly, just for me. "You're staying with me."
I nodded into his pants and held Bunny tighter. I listened to her heels go down the hall toward the front, one step and then another, while the candles kept burning low on our dark table.
