Chapter 5 - Up the Stairs Holding Hands
I didn't understand what ending dinner meant until Daddy did it. He didn't call for anyone to clear the plates. He just set his napkin down next to the gold charger and pushed his chair back. The legs scraped against the wood floor and that sound felt louder than anything he'd said to Veronica. The candles were still burning. The pasta in my white bowl had gone soft and cold, and the light from the chandelier moved a little in the cut-crystal water glass when the table shook.
Daddy looked at me first, not at her. His brow was still tight from before, and I could hear him breathing through his nose like he was trying to keep it even. "We're gonna go look," he said quietly. He didn't ask if I was done. He already knew I was.
He stood up and came around to my chair. His silver watch caught the candlelight when he reached for me. I remember how careful his hands were, one under my knees and one around my back, lifting me straight up out of the big dining chair. My lace dress caught for a second on the edge of the seat and then came free. I still had my little gold spoon in my right hand. I hadn't put it down. I held it against his shirt while he settled me on his hip, and the metal was warm from my palm. He didn't take it from me.
Veronica was still standing by her chair. She hadn't touched her food either. Her diamond necklace moved when she breathed, and her earrings caught the light when she turned her head fast toward us.
"Daniel," she said. Her voice was smooth again, the way it had been before I'd spoken. "Don't be ridiculous. Dinner's getting cold. I can go check her room myself."
Daddy didn't answer right away. He adjusted me higher on his hip and I felt his stubble brush the side of my head. He looked toward the hallway, then back at her. "We're going together," he said. It wasn't loud. It wasn't a fight. But it didn't leave room.
I heard her heels on the floor when she stepped out from behind her chair. "Fine. Then let me help," she said. "I know where everything is in this house. I'll help you look." She said it like she was being reasonable, but her hands were tight at her sides. She grabbed her phone off the table even though she didn't need it.
Daddy carried me out of the dining room with Veronica right behind us. I remember looking back over his shoulder as we left. The table looked too big with no one at it. The white flowers in the middle were still perfect. The candles were still lit. The two water glasses and my little bowl of pasta were just sitting there waiting, like we were supposed to come back. The windows along the wall showed only black night and our reflections moving away.
The hallway was cooler than the dining room. Our house always smelled like lemon and wood at night, and the runner under our feet muffled our steps except for Veronica's heels. Daddy's black shirt was warm against my cheek. With every step his tattoos moved under the rolled sleeves where his arms held me. I could feel his heartbeat through the fabric. He held my legs a little tighter when we got to the bottom of the stairs.
"I've got you," he whispered, just for me. "Show me where Bunny should be, okay?"
I nodded against him and didn't let go of the spoon.
The stairs creaked in the middle the way they always did. Daddy took them slow because I was on his hip. Veronica came up behind us faster, her burgundy dress brushing the steps. I could hear her breathing now, short and quick, and her heels clicking on each stair. Halfway up she reached past us for the railing, like she wanted to get around us.
When we got to the top, the hallway light was on. It was bright and yellow after the candlelight downstairs, and it made my eyes blink. The doors were all closed. Ours were the third one on the right, with the little wooden star Daddy had hung at my height so I could find it. I pointed with my spoon.
"There," I whispered.
Daddy started toward it. Before he could reach the knob, Veronica stepped in front of us. She moved fast for someone in heels, her hair still pinned up and her face fixed in that calm look that didn't feel calm at all.
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"Let me go in first," she said. She was already reaching for the handle. "It's dark in there. Let me turn the light on for her."
Daddy stopped with me in his arms, right outside my bedroom door, and looked at her hand on the knob.
