Chapter 10

For a moment, I couldn’t answer.
Emma stood beside the couch with one hand on Bunny’s ear. The photograph of Rachel rested near her other hand, and my sister sat quietly across the room, giving us space without leaving.
I lowered myself until I was level with Emma.
“No,” I said. “Mommy would not have blamed you.”
Emma watched my face, searching it.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure she loved you. She was sick because of an illness. You didn’t cause it, sweetheart. Nothing you did made her sick, and nothing you did made her die.”
Her fingers curled into Bunny’s fur.
“But Vanessa said—”
“I know what she said.” I kept my voice gentle. “It wasn’t true. You don’t have to believe me all at once. I’ll keep telling you the truth whenever you need to hear it.”
Emma looked at the photograph again. I didn’t ask her to say anything else. After a while, she leaned into my shoulder, and I held her without asking her to make me feel better.
The next day, the day I had promised to stay home, I tried to make the promise mean more than one quiet morning. While Emma and my sister ate breakfast at the kitchen table, I called work from the hallway. I didn’t want Emma to hear a tense conversation and wonder whether something was about to change.
My manager answered on the second ring.
“I need to change my schedule for a while,” I said.
There was a brief pause. “How long?”
“I don’t know yet. I can work, but I can’t keep pretending I’m available at any hour. I need set hours and notice before anything changes.”
I explained only what I needed to explain. My family was dealing with a serious situation. My daughter needed a predictable caregiver, and I needed to be present when I said I would be.
My manager asked what arrangement I could manage.
“I can handle a reduced schedule for now,” I said. “And I can make up some work from home, as long as the hours are clear.”
We talked through the practical parts. I would be unavailable during certain blocks, and if a meeting had to move, I needed to know before the day began. It wasn’t a perfect answer to every problem. It was a boundary I could actually keep.
When I returned to the kitchen, Emma was arranging blueberries in a line beside her toast.
“Is work making you go?” she asked.
“Not today. Today I’m staying with you, like I promised.”
She nodded and moved one blueberry to the other side of her plate.
“And tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow I may need to go in for part of the day. But we’re going to make a plan so you know who will be with you and when I’ll be back.”
Her shoulders rose slightly.
“Will you come home?”
“Yes. I’ll tell you the time. If anything changes, I’ll tell you before the plan changes—not after.”
My sister set down her coffee.
“We can make it simple,” she said. “I can be here when your dad is at work. And I can pick you up when it’s time to leave school.”
Emma looked at her, then at me.
“You’ll be there?”
“I will,” my sister said. “You’ll know it’s me before you go anywhere. Your dad and I will tell you exactly what the plan is.”
Emma didn’t answer right away. She lined the blueberries up again, concentrating on getting them evenly spaced. I fought the urge to fill the silence with assurances she hadn’t asked for.
After breakfast, we drew the plan on a sheet of paper. I made simple boxes for morning, school, and home. My sister would be there in the morning. She would pick Emma up after school. I would come home at the time we agreed on. If I wasn’t there when expected, Emma could stay with my sister while she called me.
I didn’t say there would never be a delay. I said what I would do if one happened.
We practiced the plan once, then again after lunch. My sister pretended to arrive at the school door while I stayed in the kitchen. Emma held Bunny and stood beside the picture schedule.
“Who’s coming to get me?” my sister asked.
“Auntie,” Emma said.
“And what happens if Daddy is late?”
“I stay with you, and you call him.”
“That’s right,” I said. “You don’t have to fix anything or figure out why. The grown-ups handle it.”
She seemed to consider that. Then she asked if Bunny could come along.
“Of course,” my sister said.
By late afternoon, the plan was taped low on the refrigerator where Emma could reach it. My sister agreed to the schedule, and I sent my manager the hours we had discussed. Every part was ordinary: a calendar, a pickup, a set time to come home. That was what made it feel solid. I wasn’t asking Emma to trust a promise that I would always be standing beside her. I was giving her people, times, and steps she could understand.
That night, Emma carried Bunny to bed with her. The two photographs of Rachel stayed beside the pillow. I left the hall light on and the bedroom door open, just as Emma had chosen the night before.
In the morning, I got dressed for work while my sister set out breakfast. I had told Emma I might go in for part of the day. I had told her who would stay with her, who would pick her up, and when I expected to return.
The plan was on the refrigerator. My sister was in the kitchen. My bag was by the door.
I checked the time and turned toward the table.
Emma had stopped eating. She held Bunny against her chest, one hand gripping the rabbit’s soft ear.
“Daddy,” she said quietly.
May you like
I crouched beside her.
“I don’t want you to go.”