voxen

Chapter 3

I closed the recording before the investigator left.

Vanessa’s face stayed with me—the way she’d paused beneath the camera, looked upward, then turned away. I wanted to know what she’d noticed. I wanted the clip to explain something, to give me a clean answer I could hold on to.

It didn’t.

The investigator reminded me not to treat a glance as proof of anything. The recordings would be reviewed carefully, and Emma shouldn’t have to repeat her story for the adults who were trying to understand it.

So I put my phone away.

My sister stayed with Emma while I called the pediatrician’s office. I told them there had been a frightening situation at home and that I wanted Emma checked over. I kept the explanation brief. I didn’t want to practice the story in front of her, or have her hear me use words she might feel expected to repeat.

They found us an appointment that afternoon.

Emma sat on the living-room rug with Bunny in her lap, watching the cartoon she’d chosen. When I told her we were going to see her doctor, she looked at my face instead of the television.

“Am I sick?”

“No, sweetheart. I just want the doctor to make sure you’re okay.”

“Is the investigator coming?”

“No. You can just see the doctor. If anyone wants to talk with you, they’ll explain it first.”

She looked down at Bunny’s worn ear.

“Do I have to talk?”

“No.”

I sat on the rug beside her, leaving enough space for her to decide whether she wanted me closer.

“You can tell the doctor what you want to tell them. You can also say you don’t want to talk. I won’t be upset.”

Emma leaned against my side, but she didn’t answer. I let the silence stand.

At the clinic, my sister came with us. Emma held Bunny against her chest as we checked in, her eyes moving from the receptionist to the hallway and back. When a nurse called her name, she gripped my hand.

“Can I bring Bunny?”

“Of course,” I said.

The nurse showed us to an exam room. Emma stayed close to my leg while my sister took a chair near the wall. The room had a paper-covered table, a sink, and a door that the nurse left open when she stepped out.

Emma watched the doorway.

“Can it stay open?”

“Yes,” I said. “We can keep it open.”

She glanced at the nurse, who was returning with a clipboard.

“Even if the doctor comes in?”

“Even then,” the nurse said. “You can tell us if you want it open wider.”

Emma moved to the chair nearest the doorway and climbed onto it with Bunny. She didn’t want to sit on the exam table, so the nurse didn’t ask her to. She checked Emma’s arm while Emma stayed in the chair, explaining each step before she did it.

The red mark I’d noticed earlier was faint. The nurse made a note, then asked if Emma wanted a bandage.

“No,” Emma said.

“Okay,” the nurse replied, and put the bandage away.

When the doctor came in, she greeted Emma first. She spoke gently, but she didn’t talk to her as though she were too young to understand. She asked about the cartoon, Bunny, and whether Emma wanted the door open or partly closed.

“Open,” Emma said.

The doctor left it open.

She checked Emma’s arm and asked a few ordinary health questions. Then she sat on a rolling stool so she wasn’t standing over us.

“I’m glad you came in,” she said. “My job today is to check how Emma is doing and help us think about what support she may need.”

I nodded.

The doctor looked at Emma.

“You don’t have to tell me a big story. If there’s something you want me to know, you can say it in your own way. And if you don’t want to answer a question, you can tell me that, too.”

Emma watched her.

“Will you ask me about the laundry room?”

“I might ask what’s making you feel worried,” the doctor said. “But you can decide what you want to share. You don’t have to answer anything you don’t want to.”

Emma rubbed Bunny’s ear between her fingers. The doctor waited. She didn’t repeat the question or fill the quiet with guesses.

After a while, Emma said, “I don’t like the loud machine.”

The doctor nodded once.

“That sounds scary.”

I felt my whole body lean toward the conversation. I wanted to say that Vanessa had locked the door, that Emma had told me she couldn’t get out, that I’d seen the marks on the wood. The words were lined up behind my teeth.

I kept them there.

Emma glanced at me. I gave her a small nod, careful not to make it a request.

The doctor turned her attention to me.

“Children sometimes tell things in pieces, or they may not want to talk about them right away. The most helpful thing you can do is listen without filling in the details for her.”

“I understand.”

I didn’t, not completely. Every part of me wanted to put questions in the empty spaces. But wanting to know was not the same as having the right to make her carry the burden of telling me.

The doctor continued, “A child can be distressed without us being able to draw a definitive conclusion about what happened from one appointment. We can address her health and support needs while the appropriate people review the other information.”

I appreciated that she didn’t promise more than she could know.

“Is there anything I should avoid doing?” I asked.

“Try not to ask her to recount the same events. If she brings something up, listen. You can reassure her she did the right thing by telling you and that she isn’t responsible for adult behavior. Write down your own observations when she isn’t present, and let the professionals coordinate with one another.”

Emma had gone quiet again. I looked at her, then at Bunny in her lap.

“You can have a break,” I said.

She reached for my hand.

The doctor let us sit for a little while before she explained that a trained interviewer was available to speak with Emma separately. It would be a child-sensitive conversation, she said, not a test. Emma could take her time, and the adults involved would try to avoid asking her the same questions over and over.

I looked at Emma.

“You don’t have to do it because I want you to,” I said. “You can tell us how you feel.”

Emma studied Bunny’s face.

“Will you be close?”

“I’ll be right outside.”

The interviewer came to the room and introduced herself to Emma. She didn’t ask what had happened. Instead, she explained where they would go and that Emma could ask for a break or stop whenever she wanted.

Emma listened without letting go of my hand.

Then she looked at me.

I could have asked her if she was sure. I could have promised that nothing would be frightening, though I couldn’t know exactly how she would feel. I could have told her she was brave, and made the conversation sound like something she needed to succeed at.

Instead, I said, “You can choose what you want to tell her.”

Emma nodded. She slid off the chair, carrying Bunny with her. Before following the interviewer, she asked if the door would be open.

“Yes,” the interviewer said. “You can decide how open you want it.”

Emma chose a seat near the doorway.

The interviewer looked at me.

“Would you wait outside for this part?”

My first instinct was to say no. Emma had asked me to protect her, and walking out of the room felt like the opposite of keeping that promise.

But the doctor had explained why the conversation needed space. Emma had agreed to speak with the interviewer. My job was not to control what she said. It was to be there when she came back.

“I’ll be just outside,” I told Emma.

May you like

She held Bunny close and looked at me once more.

Then the interviewer asked me to step into the hall, and Emma looked back before the door began to close.

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