voxen

Chapter 13

My sister was waiting in the kitchen when I got home. Emma stood beside her, clutching a piece of paper painted with a yellow sun.

“I made it at school,” she said.

“I heard you were looking forward to showing me.”

She held it out. The sun had uneven rays and a bright blue line beneath it.

“That’s the sky,” she explained.

“I like it.”

She watched my face as if my answer mattered, then nodded and set the picture on the table.

My sister gave me a quiet look. She didn’t ask about the meeting. Not with Emma nearby, and not before I’d had time to put down my keys. That small act of restraint felt like kindness.

We made a snack. Emma ate apple slices while Bunny sat in the chair beside her, upright as a guest. When she was finished, she wandered toward the living room, where the family box of photographs remained on a low shelf.

She looked back at me.

“Can we get the pictures?”

“Sure. You can choose which ones you want to look at.”

She carried the box to the rug and opened it. I sat nearby, leaving enough room for her to spread the photographs out. She sorted slowly, sometimes pausing over one, sometimes placing it facedown without comment. I didn’t ask why.

After a while, she picked up a picture of Rachel holding her as a baby. Rachel was smiling down at her, her hair falling over one shoulder.

“Mommy looks happy,” Emma said.

“She was.”

“Was she happy when I was little?”

“She loved being your mom.”

Emma looked at the picture again. Her finger rested on Rachel’s sleeve.

“You told me she sang when she made breakfast.”

“I did. She liked to sing, even when she didn’t remember all the words.”

Emma gave a small laugh.

“Did you sing too?”

“I tried. Your mom used to tell me I was better at making the pancakes.”

She studied my face, perhaps deciding whether I was joking. Then she smiled and tucked the photograph against her chest.

“I want this one in the living room.”

“All right.”

She chose a place on the low bookcase, where the picture could stand without being too high for her to reach. I helped her set it there, but she adjusted the frame herself until it faced the room.

Then she brought Bunny over and propped him beside it.

“Now he can see Mommy,” she said.

I swallowed. “That’s a good place for him.”

She sat on the rug and looked at the photograph. I wanted to tell her how strong she was, how brave, how much better it was to see her smiling. But those words could make her feel she had to keep smiling. They could turn one quiet moment into a measure of how far she’d come.

So I sat beside her.

After a little while, she leaned her shoulder against my arm. I stayed still and let her decide how long she wanted to look.

My sister joined us, carrying the yellow sun from the kitchen.

“Would you like this up here, too?” she asked.

Emma nodded. She chose a spot on the wall near the photograph, and my sister helped tape it up. The yellow rays ended up a little crooked. Emma said it was supposed to be that way.

For a few minutes, the room held three things: Rachel’s smile, Emma’s sun, and Bunny keeping watch from the bookcase. Nothing had to explain the rest.

Then Emma’s eyes moved toward the hallway.

“The laundry room still has the lock?”

I felt the room change around the question. Not because she had done anything wrong by asking, but because I understood that the house still held reminders she could not simply decide to forget.

“Yes,” I said. “The bolt is still on the outside.”

She turned Bunny’s ear between her fingers.

“Can it come off?”

“Yes. We can take it off.”

“Today?”

I glanced at my sister. She nodded.

“If you want,” I said. “We can do that together. You don’t have to come close if you don’t want to.”

Emma didn’t answer right away. Then she got up and carried Bunny with her.

“I want to see.”

We went to the laundry-room doorway. I kept the door open and didn’t step inside until Emma was ready. She stayed in the hall, Bunny tucked under one arm, and watched my sister bring a screwdriver from the kitchen drawer.

My sister knelt beside the outside bolt.

“Would you rather stand here or farther back?” she asked Emma.

“Here.”

“All right. I’ll tell you before I turn anything.”

She loosened the first screw. The metal gave a small, dry scrape against the wood. Emma flinched.

I stopped myself from reaching for her. Instead, I looked at her.

“Do you want us to pause?”

She watched the bolt.

“No. Just tell me.”

My sister turned the screwdriver slowly.

“I’m turning it now.”

The screw came free. She set it on a folded towel, then worked on the next one. The bolt shifted in its bracket. For an instant, it hung at an angle on the door.

Emma took one step closer.

“Is it stuck?”

“No,” my sister said. “It’s coming loose.”

She removed the last screw and lifted the bolt away. The metal looked ordinary in her hand—small, dull, and easy to mistake for nothing.

Emma stared at the bare patches where it had been.

“Can someone put it back?”

The question was so direct that I felt my first answer rise before I could examine it.

No. Never.

I could see the promise waiting there, clean and comforting. I could also see the marks on the inside edge of the door, low enough for Emma’s small hands. A promise deserved more than good intentions. I had learned that too late.

My sister wrapped the bolt and screws in the towel and carried them away. I stayed with Emma in the hallway.

“The outside bolt is gone,” I said. “We won’t use it to lock you in. And you won’t be alone in this house with Vanessa.”

Emma glanced toward the open laundry-room door.

“Will the machine be loud?”

“It might make noise when it runs. We can stay with you when it’s on, or you can be somewhere else in the house. You get to tell us what feels okay.”

She seemed to consider that. Then she took my hand and walked a few steps into the room. She didn’t cross the threshold. She didn’t have to.

“I don’t want to go inside.”

“Then we won’t.”

She turned back toward the living room. I went with her. We did not close the laundry-room door behind us.

Later, Emma asked for another snack. My sister helped her wash her hands while I put the screwdriver away. The day continued in small pieces: a cup on the counter, the yellow sun above the bookcase, Bunny beside Rachel’s photograph. Ordinary things, but not empty ones.

At bedtime, Emma asked to leave the photograph in the living room.

“Can Bunny stay there, too?”

“He can stay wherever you want.”

She carried him to the bookcase and set him beside Rachel. Then she stood very still, looking at the picture.

“Mommy loved me even when I was little?”

“Yes,” I said. “She loved you from the beginning.”

Emma nodded, but her eyes had already drifted toward the hallway.

“Daddy?”

“I’m here.”

“Will that door ever lock again?”

My answer came almost instantly. Then I stopped.

The bolt was gone. Vanessa was not coming back into the house. Those were true things, and they mattered. But Emma wasn’t asking for a detail about hardware. I could see the question in the way she held Bunny tight, as if a quick no might disappear the moment I left the room.

May you like

I looked at my daughter, then toward the open laundry-room door.

And I understood that she needed more than a quick reassurance.

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