I Clutched My Teddy Bear In Lincoln Park While He Said I Looked Like Her...

I woke up holding my bear so tight my arms hurt.

The shelter playroom wasn't really a playroom. It was a big room with gray carpet and a plastic bin of toys nobody touched and a window that looked out at a church parking lot across the street. The caseworker named Diane had given me a toothbrush and a gray blanket the night before. I didn't fall asleep until the light through the blinds turned thin and blue.

That morning Marcus came back. I heard his shoes before I saw him. He was still in his black shirt and suit pants from yesterday, but his hair was damp like he'd showered. Lily was with him. She had on a different dress, a light blue one, and her big pink bow was still high on her ponytail. She held a paper bag with both hands.

"I brought you apple slices," she whispered when she got close. She set the bag down next to me on the floor. "From our kitchen. We cut them like this."

She showed me. The slices were thin, with the red skin still on, fanned out in a little plastic container. I nodded and kept my bear against my chest. I didn't know how to eat in front of them.

Marcus crouched down again, the same way he did in Lincoln Park. His watch caught the window light. His bodyguard stood by the door, sunglasses off now, looking out toward the parking lot.

"Hey, Emma," Marcus said, quiet. "Did you sleep okay?"

I shrugged. My cheek felt hot where the mark was.

Diane was talking near the door with the bodyguard. I heard him say, "Her phone pinged at St. Mark's. She clocked in for the pantry at seven. She's not answering the caseworker, not answering us."

Marcus looked at me. "Your Aunt Karen. She works at the church food pantry?"

I nodded. My bear's ear was damp where I'd been holding it.

"She was supposed to come talk to Diane today," he said. "She's saying she doesn't know where you were. That you wandered off."

That wasn't true. I felt my throat get tight. I pressed my face a little into my bear.

Lily sat down cross-legged across from me. She didn't get that I was supposed to be in trouble. She just opened the apple slices and pushed them a little closer.

Diane came over and knelt by us with a clipboard. She didn't ask like Marcus asked. She said, soft, "Emma, can you tell me what happened after your mom passed? Who's been taking care of you?"

I looked at the apples. I didn't want to say it wrong.

"Aunt Karen cashed the check," I whispered. "Mom's check. From the county. She said it was for rent. Then she said the landlord would be mad if he knew I was still there. That her lease said one person."

Marcus went very still. His hand was on his knee. I could see the tattoo on it.

"She told me to wait in Lincoln Park until the sun came up," I said. My voice shook, but I kept going because Diane was writing it down exactly. "She said if I stayed by the bench, someone would see me. That she had to work the pantry and couldn't watch me anymore."

Diane wrote and didn't look up. Lily stared at me, her mouth open a little.

"How long were you at the park, honey?" Diane asked.

"Since morning," I said. "Aunt Karen dropped me before her shift."

The bodyguard's phone buzzed. He stepped out into the hall and came back a minute later. He leaned down to Marcus.

"She's in the lot," he said low. "White Honda. She's sitting in it. Won't come inside. Says the kid's lying, that Emma ran off after she told her to stay in the apartment."

Marcus stood up slowly. I could see his jaw move.

Lily didn't understand that part. She tugged on Marcus's sleeve. "Daddy, at my school the pick-up line is so long. Miss Anna waits with us until you come. She holds my hand so I don't get scared. Even if it's cold."

She said it like it was normal. Like someone always waits. I watched her and held my bear tighter. I didn't have a pick-up line. I had a bench.

Marcus looked from Lily to me. His eyes were wet but he didn't wipe them. He crouched again and was level with me.

"Emma," he said, "I'm going to ask them to check something for us. To see if maybe I'm someone who should have been there for you and your mom. It's just a swab, on your cheek. Is that okay?"

I didn't know what that meant, but I nodded because his voice was steady. Lily reached over and touched the edge of my bear's paw, just for a second, like she was asking permission.

Diane finished writing and stood up. "We'll document this as neglect. Abandonment. Her statement is clear. Karen's refusal to engage will be noted."

Through the window, I could see the church parking lot. A woman in a blue jacket got out of a white car by the pantry door and looked toward our building, then went inside fast without looking again. The bodyguard saw her too.

Marcus watched her go and then looked back at me. He didn't look angry anymore. He just looked like he'd made up his mind.