Chapter 8 - The Cotton Swab
The pediatric clinic smelled like cold air and hand soap. It was the kind of place with low chairs and a fish tank that hummed too loud. I sat on the edge of an exam table that was covered in white paper and it crinkled every time I moved. The paper was cold through the back of my dress.
My name is Emma and I was holding my bear.
The nurse had a blue tray with three little plastic sticks. They looked like giant cotton swabs. She smiled at me first, then at Lily, then at Mr. Blackwell. She didn't rush.
"This is day three," the caseworker had said in the car on the way over. She was a woman named Ms. Alvarez and she kept her voice even. "The judge said we can do the cheek test today. Fast track."
Mr. Blackwell hadn't said much since we parked. He'd rolled his sleeves down so his tattoos didn't show. His silver watch caught the fluorescent light when he checked the time and then he put his hands together and just breathed. Slow in, slow out. I could hear it.
The nurse pulled the curtain half closed. "We need a quick swab from inside the cheek," she said. "No needle. No hurt. Just a tickle for ten seconds. Okay?"
I nodded but I didn't let go of my bear. I had him against my chest with my left arm. My right hand was empty and cold.
Lily was standing right next to the table. She was still in her pink dress and her big bow hadn't moved all day. She looked at the swab, then at me.
"Can I hold her hand?" she asked the nurse.
The nurse nodded. "If Emma wants that."
Lily slipped her hand into my right one. Her fingers were warm. I squeezed without meaning to.
Ms. Alvarez crouched down so her face was level with mine. She didn't touch the bear or my dress. She just looked at me steady.
"Emma, do you know what this test does?" she said.
I shook my head a little.
"It looks at tiny pieces inside your cheek," she said. "And tiny pieces inside Mr. Blackwell's cheek, and Lily's cheek. It can tell if you share family. It doesn't decide where you live by itself. The judge still decides. And whatever it says, you are safe tonight and tomorrow. Okay?"
I nodded again. She hadn't promised anything. She hadn't said sister or daughter. I liked that she didn't lie.
"Ready?" the nurse asked me.
I held my bear tighter with my left arm and Lily held my right hand tighter. The nurse had thin gloves on. She said, "Open like you're saying ahh."
I opened my mouth. She brushed the cotton inside my cheek. It was soft and weird. I flinched and my eyes watered and the paper crinkled loud under me, but I didn't pull away because Lily was holding on.
"Great job," the nurse said. "Ten, nine..." She counted slow. The cotton moved in a little circle. "Done."
She put my swab in a little tube and snapped the top shut. She wrote my name on it with a black marker. The marker squeaked.
She did Lily next. Lily opened wide and made a funny face and didn't flinch at all. She kept holding my hand the whole time, even when the nurse reached across. When Lily was done, the nurse did Mr. Blackwell. He was waiting out in the hallway by then.
He'd stepped out when Ms. Alvarez asked him to give us space. Through the cracked door I could see him. He leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, sleeves pulled down, silver watch on his wrist. He wasn't on his phone. He was just breathing, his shoulders rising slow, his eyes on the floor tiles. Every few seconds he looked toward our curtain.
Lily let go of my hand for a second to get her swab and then she took my hand again right after. She leaned toward the hallway.
"Daddy?" she said, not loud. "If the test says yes, will she be my sister?"
Mr. Blackwell heard her. He didn't answer right away. He pushed off the wall and came to the doorway but stayed outside the curtain, like he was trying to follow the rules.
"If it says yes," he said, his voice low and careful, "then you share blood. That would make her your sister. But Lily, we have to wait for what the lab says. We don't guess."
"But we can still be sisters even while we wait?" Lily asked.
Ms. Alvarez looked at Mr. Blackwell, then at us. She answered for him in that same even voice. "You can be friends who hold hands while you wait," she said. "That's allowed."
The nurse finished labeling Mr. Blackwell's tube at the hallway station. She had three tubes in a clear plastic bag. She sealed the bag and put a pink rush sticker on it that said STAT and 48 HOUR.
"Lab courier picks up at four," she told Ms. Alvarez. "You'll have results in two days."
Two days felt like a long time and no time at all. The fish tank kept humming.
Mr. Blackwell stepped back in and stood near the exam table. He didn't touch me without asking. He just looked at the bag in the nurse's hand, then at me holding my bear, at Lily holding my hand.
"You did good," he said to me quietly.
May you like
I nodded. My cheek still felt ticklish. Lily didn't let go.
The nurse slipped the bag into a lockbox by the front desk. I watched the lid click shut. That was it. Whatever was inside our cheeks was in those tubes now, going somewhere to be read.
