Chapter 11 - What Mark Did Not Ask
He texted just after eight that morning. Can I stop by before pickup? Lily's at school then, right? I stared at the screen a long time before I answered.
I said yes. I said the side door would be open.
He came in wearing the same navy suit pants from the party but with a gray T-shirt now, the jacket gone. He looked like he hadn't slept. I put the kettle on because I didn't know what else to do with my hands. The kitchen still smelled faintly of dish soap from last night. Lily's booster seat was pushed up against the table. Her pink clip sat in the little ceramic dish by the sink where I'd left it.
"You didn't have to clean up for me," he said, hovering in the doorway.
"I didn't," I said. "Sit."
He sat. He folded his hands around the mug I gave him and didn't drink. Outside the window the school zone light down the street was already blinking even though pickup wasn't for another hour. It was that dead quiet part of the morning after drop-off.
"I can't ask her," he said finally. "I tried last night after everyone left. I opened my mouth and nothing came out."
I waited. The kettle clicked off.
"Did you ever see anything?" I asked. "Anything medical?"
He shook his head and kept his eyes on the mug. "No. No test. No appointment card. Nothing on the fridge. She said she wanted to keep it private until she was further along. Said her doctor wanted her to rest." His voice got thin. "I wanted to believe her. It felt... it felt wrong to doubt a woman when she tells you that. I was afraid if I asked for proof I'd look like a monster."
That was the most honest thing I'd heard him say in two days.
I sat down across from him. I kept my hands flat on the table so I wouldn't fidget.
"Mark," I said. "I'm only going to tell you what Lily said. I'm not going to tell you what it means."
He nodded.
"At the party, Vanessa said, I'm caring your baby," I said. "Lily pointed and said, Mommy, she hit it. Vanessa said, What did you say? Lily said, In the closet. Later Vanessa said, That child is lying. She doesn't know anything. I said, She's three, Vanessa. Then Lily said, The little thing has flowers."
He repeated it under his breath. "The little thing has flowers."
"That's all I have," I said. "I haven't asked her to explain it again. I haven't shown her pictures or asked her leading stuff. That's exactly what she said in that room."
He rubbed his face hard with both hands. "God. I keep thinking about that door. I keep thinking I should just go open it while she's at work and get it over with."
"Don't," I said quickly. "Don't snoop. If you open her closet without her there, whatever you find won't settle anything. It'll just be another fight about privacy."
"Then what do I do?" He looked up at me. His eyes were red. "Maya, what do I do?"
The clock over the stove ticked. I could hear a school bus brakes hiss two blocks over.
"Ask her for a joint visit," I said. "Not a test at home. A real clinic. Tell her you want to be there, you want to hear the heartbeat together. If it's real, that's a good thing for both of you. If she says no—"
"If she says no, I have my answer," he finished quietly.
I nodded. "And you have to ask calm. Not as an accusation. As a father who wants to show up."
He stared at his knuckles. "I can do that. I think I can do that."
We left for the pickup line early because neither of us wanted to sit in that kitchen anymore. He walked with me down to the curb where the moms always lined up by the oak. The crossing guard was setting out cones. A few early cars were already idling with their blinkers on.
He stood with his hands in his pockets. The wind lifted his hair.
"Thank you for not making it worse that night," he said. "For not opening that door in front of everybody."
"I wasn't going to do that to Lily," I said. "Or to you."
He nodded toward the school doors where the teachers were starting to bring out the pre-K line. "She's a good kid. She just says what she sees, doesn't she?"
"Yeah," I said. "She does."
He checked his phone, then put it away. "I'm going to call Vanessa now. Ask her to meet for dinner and talk about the appointment. No yelling."
May you like
"Good," I said. "Go calm."
He gave me a short, tired smile and walked back toward his car parked by my driveway. I stayed at the curb and watched for Lily's pink clip coming through the doors.
