Chapter 14 - He Asked to See What Was Under the Towel
Mark knocked twice and then just stood there with his hand still raised. It was just after ten and the light in my living room was flat and white. I had the blinds half open. Vanessa was on the far end of my couch in jeans and a sweater, no makeup, her hair pulled back. The towel was folded on the coffee table between us.
I opened the door. He was still in yesterday's navy suit pants and white shirt, jacket gone, sleeves rolled up once. He looked like he hadn't slept.
"Hey," he said. "Is she—"
"She's here," I said. "Lily's next door with Mrs. Alvarez. It's just us."
He nodded and stepped in. He saw Vanessa and stopped. He didn't sit.
Vanessa stood up too fast, then sat back down. "Thanks for coming," she said.
"I didn't come for you," he said, then caught himself. "I came because Maya asked. She said you wanted to say something straight."
I sat in the armchair so I wasn't between them. My hands were shaking a little, so I pressed them into my knees. "I'll stay while you talk," I said. "Then I'll step out."
Vanessa stared at the towel. She didn't touch it. "I told Maya last night. I need to tell you now. I'm not pregnant, Mark. I'm not carrying your baby."
The clock over the TV ticked. He didn't move.
"Say it again," he said quietly.
"I'm not pregnant," she said. Her voice cracked on the second word. "I was, in the spring. Very early. I lost it before I ever told you. Then yesterday I—I panicked. You'd been distant. I thought if I said it in front of everyone, you'd stay. I wore the pad."
She pulled the towel toward her and unfolded it. The flower-print belly pad sat there, foam and elastic, the little fabric flowers Lily had seen. Mark stared at it like he didn't recognize what it was.
"Can I—" he started, then stopped. "Can I pick it up?"
Vanessa nodded. He lifted it by one strap with two fingers and set it right back down. His jaw worked.
"At my house," he said. "Last night. You announced it like it was real. You let a three-year-old take the hit for it. You called her a liar."
"I know," Vanessa said. "I'm sorry I used the announcement. I'm sorry I said that about Lily. She just said what she saw."
"You should have told me in private," he said. His voice got louder, then he reined it in. "Do you know how many times I almost asked you for—for a test, a doctor, something? And I didn't. Because I didn't want to sound like I didn't trust you. Because I wanted it to be true."
I looked down. This was the part I'd been dreading, his share in it.
"I was avoiding it," he said. "I kept telling myself it was shock. It was cowardice. I let Maya stand in the middle because I wouldn't ask you directly."
Vanessa wiped her eyes with the heel of her hand. "I wanted to bind you to me. That's the truth. I wanted the status, the family thing. I thought if everyone heard it, you'd have to—I'm sorry."
Mark finally sat, on the opposite chair, far from her. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, and breathed for a long minute. The refrigerator hummed in the kitchen.
"I loved you," he said. "Or I loved who I thought we were. But I can't do this. I can't be with someone who would do that, in my friend's living room, with a kid watching. It's over, Vanessa. Romantically, it's over."
She nodded fast, like she'd expected it and still felt it land. "I understand."
"I don't want to trash you to everyone," he said. "That's not closure, that's revenge. But I need distance. Don't call me for a while. If there's stuff at my place, I'll box it. I'll leave it with Maya or ship it."
"Ship it," Vanessa whispered. "Please."
He looked at me then. "Maya, I'm sorry you got stuck holding this. You and Lily shouldn't have been in it."
"We're okay," I said. "Lily's okay."
He stood. Vanessa stood too, but didn't step toward him. She refolded the towel over the pad with careful hands, like putting something away.
"I'm going to take that with me," she said to me. "It doesn't belong here."
I nodded. Mark walked to the door and paused with his hand on the knob. He looked back once, not at Vanessa, but at the towel.
"Goodbye, Vanessa," he said.
May you like
"Goodbye," she said.
He left, and the room stayed bright and too quiet after the door clicked.
