Chapter 4 - Smiles For The Other Guests
I moved first because nobody else would. The candles had burned low and the air felt too still after Vanessa's last words, so I stood up with Lily on my hip and forced a lightness into my voice I didn't feel.
"Who wants dessert?" I said. "I made the strawberry cake and there's way too much."
It worked the way I hoped. Carol laughed a little too quickly and said yes, please. Her husband Tom stood and picked up his wine glass like he needed something to do with his hands. The other couple by the mantel shifted, grateful for an excuse to look away from the hallway.
I carried Lily into the dining area and set her down near my chair. The pink floral centerpiece was still there, a little wilted from the heat of the candles. I started pulling plates from the sideboard, keeping my movements busy and normal.
Vanessa followed us in, Mark a step behind her. She was smiling again, that calm smile from the start of the night, but it didn't sit right on her face. Her right hand had gone back to her belly and stayed there, fingers spread wide over the beige satin.
"You didn't have to do all this," she said to me, sweetly. Too sweetly. "You always go overboard, Maya."
"It's no trouble," I said. I handed her a plate. "Here. Sit down for a sec."
"Oh, I'm fine standing," she said quickly. "My back's been killing me if I sit too long. You know how it is."
She didn't take the plate. She kept her hand on her stomach and used her other hand to wave it off.
Mark took a glass of red from the table and drank half of it standing up. He didn't look at Vanessa or at me. He looked at the candles.
I cut the cake and passed slices around. Lily climbed back into my lap and I settled her there, her warm weight against my chest. She was quiet now, picking at a strawberry with her fingers, the pink clip still holding back her hair.
Vanessa hovered near the end of the table. I watched her without staring, the way you watch something out of the corner of your eye. Carol offered her wine and Vanessa shook her head.
"None for me," she said, and laughed. "Obviously."
"Of course," Carol said. "Sorry. I forgot for a second."
"It's okay," Vanessa said. She kept smiling. "Decaf coffee if you have it later, maybe."
I noticed she didn't bend to help when Tom dropped his fork. She stepped back instead, one hand still locked on her belly, and let Mark pick it up. She didn't pull out a chair. She didn't lean over Lily to coo the way she usually did. Every move she made kept her torso straight and untouched.
I told myself not to make it mean anything yet. Pregnant women got tired. Pregnant women skipped wine. That was normal. But I stored it anyway, the way I'd started storing everything that night.
Lily leaned against me and whispered, "I want water."
I poured her a little plastic cup and held it while she drank. Vanessa watched us from across the table and her smile tightened.
"She's such a good girl," Vanessa said. "So quiet tonight."
"She's tired," I said.
The conversation limped back to life around us. Tom talked about the road work on the highway. Carol asked about the flowers on the table and I told her they'd been on sale at the grocery store. Normal talk. Safe talk. Mark refilled his wine and finally sat down, but not next to Vanessa. He sat two chairs away, and Vanessa didn't seem to notice, or pretended not to.
At one point Vanessa laughed at something Tom said, a bright, high laugh, and her hand pressed harder into her dress. The satin pulled smooth. I looked away before she caught me looking.
Lily finished her strawberry and wiped her sticky fingers on my blue dress without thinking. I didn't mind. I kissed the top of her head and held her a little closer.
May you like
By the time everyone had cake, the room sounded almost like a party again. Glasses clinked. Candles flickered. But I could feel it underneath, the thing nobody was saying. Every few seconds someone's eyes slid toward the hallway, then away.
I didn't confront anything. I just kept passing plates and refilling water and keeping my daughter on my lap where she was safe. And in my head, I made a quiet list I wasn't ready to say out loud.
