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Chapter 5: The Years Between

Adrien read the words again.

“Before I could tell you.”

The date above them belonged to a year he remembered as the end of his marriage. He had thought Camille had left his life then, taking with her the future they had once discussed in half-finished sentences. Yet here she was in the photograph, standing beside him in a room he couldn’t remember, her hand resting on his shoulder beside a crib he had repaired himself.

Mila and Nora watched him from the other side of the workbench.

“Did you know we were there?” Nora asked.

“No.” Adrien forced his gaze away from the picture and met her eyes. “I didn’t know you were there.”

Mila’s arms tightened around her clay token.

“Mom said you didn’t know,” she said.

It was not an accusation. Somehow that made it harder to hear.

Adrien set the photograph down beside the papers, careful not to bend it. He had spent years believing he understood what had happened between him and Camille. The date, the crib, and the girls standing in the room where his wife had once been happy—each had made that certainty feel less like truth and more like a story he had repeated until he could live with it.

“Can I ask you something?” he said.

The girls glanced at each other.

“What do you remember about your mom?” he asked. “And about me?”

Nora spoke first. “Mom told us you were kind.”

Adrien’s throat tightened.

“What else?”

“She said you liked fixing things,” Nora continued. “Not always the right things.”

A small, unsteady breath escaped him. It might almost have been a laugh.

“That sounds fair.”

“She said you could make a broken chair strong again,” Mila said. “But sometimes you didn’t notice when people were sad.”

The words landed gently. They still landed.

Adrien looked again at his younger self in the photograph. He couldn’t remember that room, but he recognized the expression on his face: the focused certainty of a man who thought a problem could be solved if he only worked at it long enough.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

Mila lowered her eyes to her token.

“Mom talked about you kindly,” Nora said. “But sometimes she got sad.”

“Did she tell you why?”

“No. She just got quiet.” Nora traced the edge of her clay piece with one finger. “I thought maybe she missed you.”

Adrien wanted to reach for an answer that would make the years between them simpler. He wanted to ask exactly what Camille had said, when she had said it, and what her face looked like. But the girls were not witnesses he could question until the past gave up a clean explanation. They were children who had already lost their mother.

He picked up the photograph only after looking to Nora for permission. She nodded. He turned it over once more, then placed it back in the drawer with the other things.

“I don’t want anything to happen to these,” he said. “Would it be all right if I keep the drawer closed for tonight?”

The girls agreed. He slid the narrow drawer shut, leaving the hidden seam just as he’d found it.

They walked back to the kitchen together. Adrien stayed close without crowding them, matching their small, slow steps through the house. In the kitchen, he filled two glasses of water and set out the food they had left untouched earlier. Neither girl seemed hungry now, but Nora took a sip. Mila held her glass in both hands.

“Did you and Mom used to live together?” Nora asked.

“Yes.”

“Then why didn’t you?”

Adrien sat across from them. The question was simple. His answer wasn’t.

“There was a time when we were separated,” he said. “We weren’t living together.”

“Were you mad at her?” Mila asked.

“Sometimes, yes. And she was sometimes mad at me.” He paused. “We were hurting each other, and we didn’t know how to fix it. I wish I’d understood more then.”

“Did you leave?” Nora asked.

The words found the place he had been trying not to look.

“I left the home we shared,” he said. “I thought we needed space. I don’t know if that was the right choice. I should have tried harder to understand what she needed—and to tell her what I needed.”

He didn’t explain the arguments he remembered, or the silence that had followed them. He didn’t know enough about what Camille had carried after he was gone to turn his guesses into facts. But he could tell the girls what belonged to him.

“I know I wasn’t there,” he said. “I can’t change that.”

Mila watched him closely, her face almost still.

“Did Mom stop loving you?”

Adrien looked down at his hands. He could hear rain beginning against the windows, soft at first, then steady. He remembered Camille laughing in the kitchen of this house, the sound of it filling rooms he had later tried to avoid. He remembered being loved. He could not use that memory to answer for the person she had become after their separation.

“I don’t know everything your mother felt,” he said. “I can’t tell you that she loved me right up until she died. It wouldn’t be honest to pretend I know.”

Nora’s mouth tightened. “But you loved her?”

“Yes.” He lifted his eyes. “I loved her. I still miss her.”

“Even though you were apart?”

“Even then.”

Mila rubbed the edge of her token with her thumb.

“Do you miss her every day?”

Adrien considered giving her the gentler answer. But these girls had already crossed too many distances on the strength of what adults had told them.

“Some days I miss her so much I can’t think about anything else,” he said. “Other days I can remember her and still make breakfast or answer a question. Both things can be true.”

“Can you be sad and take care of us?” Nora asked.

The fear beneath the question was small but unmistakable. Adrien sat straighter.

“I can be sad,” he said. “And I can still listen to you, make sure you’re safe, and ask for help when I need it. You don’t have to take care of me.”

Nora leaned toward Mila, their shoulders touching. Mila did not lean away.

“What did you do on your birthdays?” Adrien asked. “When you were with your mom?”

“Sometimes she made pancakes,” Nora said. “Even if it wasn’t morning.”

“Chocolate ones,” Mila added. “Elise brought candles.”

“Every time?”

“Every birthday I remember.” Nora counted on her fingers, then seemed to lose track. “Elise came, too. She helped Mom with the frosting.”

A picture formed in Adrien’s mind: Camille with flour on her hands, two small girls waiting at a kitchen table, another woman carrying candles through a door he had never known to open. The picture was vivid enough to hurt. It was still only imagination.

“Did your mom live with you the whole time?” he asked.

“Mostly,” Nora said. “Elise helped when Mom had to go places.”

“And your mom…” He stopped, then tried again. “When did she die?”

The girls looked at each other.

“Not a long time ago,” Mila said.

“Was it before your last birthday?” Adrien asked.

Nora nodded.

“She was gone before the next one,” she said. “Elise said Mom was sick. I don’t know what happened.”

The room seemed to grow quieter around him. Adrien had known Camille was dead. He had stood beside her grave and watched the people around him turn away in their coats. But he had not known there had been birthdays after the separation, candles carried in by someone else, or two little girls waiting for a mother who would not come back.

He pushed the water closer to Mila.

“You don’t have to tell me anything else tonight,” he said. “And if you want to ask something, you can. I might not know the answer, but I’ll tell you when I don’t.”

“Will you be here in the morning?” Nora asked.

“Yes.”

“Even if you feel sad?”

“Yes.”

Mila studied him, as if checking whether his answer could hold its shape under pressure. Adrien didn’t add a grand promise. He could not give them back the years they had lost, and he could not promise the feelings that might come tomorrow. He could only be there tomorrow.

For a while, the rain filled the pauses. Then Nora set down her glass.

“Mom had a letter for you,” she said.

Adrien went still.

“What kind of letter?”

“She told me she wrote it for you. She said Elise knew where she put it.”

May you like

Nora’s fingers closed around the clay piece.

“But Elise isn’t here,” she whispered. “And Mom can’t tell us where it is.”

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