I Held My Teddy Bear While She Asked If I Wanted Her Help...

My name is still the same kid from that morning. I was still in my chair by the window.

The sheers were moving a little. Not much. Just enough that the light kept changing on my blanket. Mom always left them closed because she said the sun hurt my eyes, but this lady hadn't touched them. She just kneel-sat down on the floor next to my dresser, not too close, and waited.

"You tell me what's next," she said. "I'm not guessing."

I didn't answer right away. I liked that she wasn't guessing. Most people just grabbed stuff. My bear was on my lap, facing out, like he was watching her for me. His fur was right under my chin and I could smell the laundry soap on him.

"The drawer," I said finally. "Top one. I need my socks."

She nodded. She didn't stand up fast. She stood up normal and pulled the drawer open slow so it wouldn't bang.

"I'm opening the top drawer," she said. "I see the white socks and the gray ones."

"Gray," I said.

She held them up so I could see. "These ones?"

"Yeah."

She brought them over and stopped by my footrest. She didn't lift my foot. She just held them in her hand.

"Want me to put them on, or do you want to try?" she asked.

I stared at her. Her eyes didn't dart around. She looked right at me, then down at my hands, then back at me. She was breathing real calm, not loud. I could hear it because the room was quiet except the heater clicking.

"I'll do it," I said.

My joystick was on the right. I locked it first. Click. The red light went off. Then I bent forward. That part is hard in the headrest because it pushes at the back of my head. I had to scoot a little. My pajama top pulled up in the back and the air felt cold there.

She didn't reach out. She just moved the socks a little closer so I didn't have to stretch so far.

"I'm holding them right here," she said. "Tell me if you want me to let go."

I took the left one. Getting it over my toes took three tries. My fingers felt thick. The third time I got my thumb inside and pulled. It went on crooked.

She smiled, but not a big smile. Just her mouth moving a little.

"Good pull," she said.

I fixed it with my other hand. Then I did the right foot. That one was easier. When I sat back up, my chest was moving fast. I tried to breathe quiet like her.

She was still there. Still looking at me, not at the screen in the corner. I knew that black square was on. The little green light was on. But she wasn't playing to it.

"You did both," she said. "You want me to check the heels?"

I lifted my feet a little off the footplates so she could see.

"Heels are good," she said. "You got them straight."

I put Bear up on the armrest for a second so he could see too. I set him facing the window, fur all lit up gold on one side from the sun through the sheers. He looked like a witness.

"What now, boss?" she asked.

I almost laughed. "Water," I said. "On my desk. The blue cup with the straw."

She turned and looked. "I see it. I'm picking it up with my right hand."

She carried it over and stopped. "I'm holding it. You want to hold it or want me to hold the straw?"

"I'll hold it," I said. "Just don't let go till I got it."

"I won't," she said.

She put the cup near my left hand. I wrapped my fingers around it. The plastic was cool. She kept her hand under it until I nodded. Then she let go, slow.

"I've got it," I said, because I did. I took a drink. The straw made a squeak sound.

She sat back down on the floor again. Her blue shirt had a wrinkle in it now. Her little gold necklace caught the light when she breathed in and out. In and out. Not fast.

Outside, a car went by. The sheers puffed in once and settled.

I held my cup and looked at her looking at me. Nobody was grabbing. Nobody was fixing. I felt weird in my stomach, but not the bad weird.